26 September 2008

If I Had a Penny: Project Runway Edition

Project Runway Season 5 contestant Kenley Collins is spunky and cute and, enviably, has amazing control over the behavior of her bangs. She's also alternative and vintage which just means that she prefers the alternative definition of the word "contestant", as seen here:

con·tes·tant (kn-tstnt, kntstnt)
1. One taking part in a contest; a competitor.
2. One that contests or disputes something, such as an election or a will.

We should also add to that list "constructive criticism, preferably via eye-roll and, eventually, tears whose delicious sting nobody but Kenley will truly ever appreciate."

Girl cries A LOT. And because I'm all for a) Project Runway and b) spontaneous dips into the emotions pool, I was all set to give Kenley the benefit of the doubt and believe that she was moved to tears by her passion for fashion, until she went and committed the ultimate act of treason, i.e. disrespecting the sacred, notedly tight words of the Rt. Hon. Tim Gunn, at which point I gave up because life is too short to work at liking someone just because they have nice, shiny hair. Am I right? I mean, if passion for fashion wore a three-piece suit and said "make it work", it would look just like Tim Gunn. And so all the crying and talking back started to take the form of an ugly passion-less b-word that I really hate to deploy against my fellow womenfolk (it's a layered issue and we can chop that onion later - who's in for that entry!) so I felt a little stuck. Maybe she had a difficult childhood in a home where patterned fabric was a no-no? Perhaps her Brooklyn apartment is, like mine, designed for people who don't own clothes? No. It's something completely different. Take it away, Kenley:

Rad! Hormones! I get that. In fact there are some shooting towards my fingertips right now. Oh the emotion. Excuse me while I take a few deep breaths and go pound my head against the Feminine Wailing Wall for an hour or so before I can resume rational blogging.

P.S. See? I'm so out of it now that I forgot to tell Kenley to tighten up.

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