Dear Safeway:

Your location in Adams Morgan (a.k.a. The Salsa Safeway, a.k.a. The Soviet Safeway) was out of 2% milk tonight. Out. No organic 2%, no soymilk 2%, no acidophilus 2%, no organic acidophilus 2%, no moocowfuckmilk 2%. None. Please tighten up. No milk does a body no good and I hate dry cereal almost as much as I hate being awake before 10 am.

Yours in tightness,
Orville