Hey, Google, you listening?

Thursday afternoon at the office:

Calin: So, Mandy.
Me: Yes, Calin?
Calin: Why is it that a Google search for "tighten up" doesn't return The Tighten Up Report on the first page of results?
Me: Hmm. I dunno. I think it does if you add "report" --
Calin: That's no good!! You all need to tighten that shit up!!

Point taken, Calin. Point taken.

Celebrating 1 Year of Tightness

Well everybody, today marks the 1-year anniversary of the creation of the Tighten Up Report. I fell pretty awesome about mentioning it in the 6 o'clock hour.

Here's a brief stock of our accomplishments:

• Total Posts: 447
• Total Hits: >33,000
  
• Average Posts/Day: 1.22
• Average posts/month: 32
• Most posts in a month: 71 (October 2007)
• Post tagged with some variant of "Cuba Gooding Jr.": 13 (terrible actor)
  
• February 23, 2007: Invented the internet. Spectacular work, guys.
• I have personally missed at least 3 opportunities to introduce 6 or more TUR contributors--who had never met personally but were in the same building and wouldn't have known each other from Adam--at social events. Gotta tighten that up.
  
• Roanoke Public Library now respects the privacy of its patrons.
  

Failures:

• GWB still says "nukular"
• 1,500 TUR cards procured; fewer than a dozen issued (or documented)
• Cuba Gooding Jr. still working (note 5 films awaiting release in 08/09)
• University of Virginia is unyieldingly obstinate in pursuing architectural mediocrity.
• Cherries still have pits.
  
• Huckabee is still running for president.
• Ziggy still too preachy.
  

I'm too drunk at the moment to make this any funnier or reflective, so what the hell else have we done? Haven't we gotten anybody arrested? Did we get any of us arrested?

Click on the comment button below and let's make with the self-aggrandizement.