Oh, Where Do I Begin...

Feast your eyes upon the Holy Grail of Homosexual innuendo...

This article appears on today's Drudge Report under the heading 'Granny Trapped in Closet'. Allow me to supply a few choice excepts...

"She grabbed her cats and took cover in a closet."

"I fell asleep and I woke up and I wanted to get out and I couldn't get out"

"She slipped a note under the door that read "Help, I'm trapped in the closet."

"I was just like 'oh please God let me out. I can't stand to be in here any longer."

"So I say to everybody 'keep a hammer in your closet... and be in shape."

Wow. If only Tom Cruise could be so forthcoming...

Grand Army Plaza: You Have Been Revisioned!

My proposal also includes a re-naming of the GAP area to Awesometown. I think you'll all agree that it rocks. I'm open to collaborating with Pepper on mall-accessible highway on-ramps: