13 January 2009

ECO FAIL. Hippie Dippy Hybrid Bullshit at Tyson's Corner

During a rare visit to Tyson's Corner Mall this month, I stumbled upon a legitimate reason to hate the favored stomping grounds of DC's bridge and tunnel folk: hybrid parking.

This row of "preferred parking" is aligned and in some cases, closer to the mall than Tyson's handicapped parking spots. This moronic attempt at eco-sensitivity is wrong. So. Wrong.

Let me count the ways...

1) 'Hybrid' and 'efficiency' are not synonymous. While the Lexus RX 400h (hybrid) seats five with 24/27 MPG, non-hybrid five-seaters such as the Ford Focus (24/33), Honda Civic (24/36) and Chevy Cobalt 24/33 all exceed the average MPG of the hybrid Lexus.

2) HOV. Remember the old concept of high-occupancy vehicles? Four shoppers in a Range Rover are actually more efficient per passenger than one person in any hybrid.

3) Discriminatory. Hybrids aren't cheap. The compact Toyota Prius h stickers for around $24,000 - a price well out of reach for the average American with bragging rights to a median individual income of a whopping $26,000/year.

4) Counterproductive. "Hey Tyson's, if you are so concerned about the environment then why prolong the time a 'gas guzzler' drives around your garages in search of parking?"

5) Cut off your nose. Lastly, according to Tyson's signs, should some rebellious non-hybrid vehicle park in their preferred spots, the mall will enforce towing. "Ah yes, nothing will teach those eco-ignorant patrons a lesson in gas conservation like sending Captain Planet's whip of choice: the tow truck (8-11 MPG) to haul your parked pollutant away."

ECO FAIL. Tighten up you ignorant ass clowns.