Palin for Mahna Mahna 2008

The question is, what is a Palin?

The question is, who cares?

I'm not fat.

So I'm svelt, trim, skinny. Where can I find a dress shirt that fits? I have a few from H&M but the closest store is over an hour away (and no online store, what gives?). Any suggestions?

Loose Tech Support

Dear Tech Support Team at T-Mobile,
I am blindingly angry at you and your lack of tech support.
How is it POSSIBLE that my problem with my brand new blackberry is beyond your comprehension?
I have spoken to three tech experts ... no one has been able to fix the problem.
I have also realized that anyone can be a tech expert because the term is applied liberally at T-Mobile ... hobos, cats, plastic bottles ... anything or anyone.

Tech person one told me no other device ever manufactured by the company has ever gotten stuck on the loading screen. Really Tech person one? Because Tech person 2 disagrees.

Tech person number two said it was fixable but I couldn't do it on a macintosh. WTF? Who doesn't have mac compatible software?! It's fucking 2008!

Tech person 3 tried really hard ... I'll give him that ... but still ultimately failed so I hate him too.

I hate the blackberry 8700 ... I hate T-Mobile ... I now need moral support more than I need tech support.

Tighten up.

xo -
Brenda

Ridiculous Tight.

And others: http://www.zinasaunders.com/pages/illustration/index.html

Registration Lamentation

Why do we have to register to vote a month in advance of the election? Check out the states with the highest voter turnout in the 2004 election (taken from StateMaster.com):

1. Minnesota 76.7%
2. Wisconsin 73%
3. Maine 72%
4. North Dakota 70.8%
5. Oregon 70.6%
6. Montana 69.9%
7. New Hampshire 68.9%
8. Iowa 68.8%
9. South Dakota 67.1%
10. Missouri 66.3%

76.7%!!! That is like downright European. I live in Virginia, currently 36th down on the list. Why does Minnesota have such great turnout? Is it that Minnesotans are a whole bunch more politically engaged? Less disillusioned? More civically minded? No. Turns out that of these 10 states, 5 have at-the-polls registration (Maine, Minnesota, Montana, NH, Wisconsin, Wyoming), Oregon has by mail voting and North Dakota has no registration requirements. Many European countries automatically register voters (check out Germany, Denmark) or make registering compulsory (UK). So when we hear the inevitable post-election lamentations regarding poor voter turnout, I think we need to examine how draconian registration requirements prevent Americans from voting rather than blame a hypothetically apathetic citizenry. Word.

A lil' moment of tightness (which are far too few in this world, don't you think?)

As I recounted a lil' while ago, I experienced an encounter with a Postal Service employee who subjected me to endless interrogation as to my religious beliefs, and then foisted upon me a Tract of propaganda relating to her faith, which is "Jehovah's Witness." Taking none too kindly to this infiltration of religious extremism into the civil service, I wrote a letter of complaint with very low expectations of receiving any reply. But as recent experience has shown, almost any expectation, set low enough, can be surpassed.

I received a most welcome and, well, let's not hold back here, I should say Tight reply to my letter, as follows:

"Dear Postal Customer:

We have contacted the Yellowstone Post Office personnel responsible for the Grant Village Contract Postal Unit regarding your experience there. The Manager has been apprised of the situation and is taking the necessary actions to ensure that this practice does not continue. A notice will be issued to the Grant Village CPU supplier informing them that further inquiry of customer's religious beliefs and/or distribution of religious materials within the CPU will result in immediate termination of their contract for default. [This wasn't technically a Post Office, but was a contract office, sort of like a franchise.]

All concerned are now working together to ensure that you do not experience any further difficulties. Please accept our sincere apology for the inconvenience you have experienced."

Few things in life are better than customer service done right. I'm calling them Monday morning to tell them in person how much I love them and want to have their babies.

Sarah Palin Tolerates Gay Pepole And Other Kinda Great American Truths

via

WINK! If you're anything like me, i.e. a proud lip product-wearing double Xer who likes to spend her nights watching infomercials and dreaming about six packs then MAN OH MAN was last night a great moment for America, which is a great great nation which I am blessed to be, like, sitting in right now. The debate that was had last night, you know, was just resilient Main Street resources governor and then puppy dog tails Alaska! Butchya know, I don't so much like debates because they take the focus off the sidelines of the soccer games of America and put them in the elite city colleges of the not small towns and then everyone gets fucked. So what I really liked, and what I'm sure you really liked because if you're not like me then what in name of Bullwinkle are you doing reading this, I mean HA HAHAHA HAAAAA. Seriously. What.

Where was I? Yup! Ok, so what I really liked about the debate was that it was more like regular American real talk time, like the kind I have with my Aqua Net Hairspray wholesale rep who is also a maverick. I just kinda looked the debate in the eye at the beginning and was like "Hiya! I'm not at all sure what I'm doing here watching this Washington cocktail party, something about blinking maybe? but I don't like it, it's a leeetle bit big in the crotch, so mind if I pretend I'm watching a Martina McBride concert on GAC instead? THANKS. I love her. She's American." And it was great.

And especially what was entrenched in last night's greatness was all the truth of everything that was said, except when it wasn't and then God corrected it, so it was like the non-truth was never said in the first place, I think something about taxes. Alaska! But only the small town part. And that Gwen, who I truly tolerate, was so funny with her asking of some questions. It was a little rude, to be straight with ya, the way she interrupted with the questions when really, real regular American talk does not stop or blink, even when you're not really super sure if you have anything to say and you really really need to blink kinda bad but then God tells you what to say and the real talk goes on and on like oil reserves, which are great for drilling, which is not at all like rape. Rape is when something bad happens but then you get to have a baby afterwards so it's like nothing bad happend in the first place. It's like truth! And Alaska! Which is part of America, kinda. WINK.

I'm mad as hell, and I'm not gonna take it anymore: A rant of a political nature

I'm mad.

I'm mad about the fact that Sarah Palin's candidacy is still being taken seriously by anyone in the voting public of this country. But I'm also mad about the way the discussion is being framed as a question of the importance of experience.

I think experience is overrated. I believe in what JFK told Robert McNamara, when the latter expressed hesitation to accept the job of Sec Def: There's no school for secretaries of defense, and there's no school for presidents, either. A great president isn't made by experience alone, but a combination of judgment, personal strengths, innate ability, intelligence, experience, yes, and millions of other things.

The issue isn't her inexperience - it's what the way she DEALS with her inexperience says about her as a leader, manager, and person.

Whereas almost any thinking, moderately self-aware individual would pause to reflect before accepting one of the most important jobs on Earth (as McNamara did), Sarah Palin didn't blink, as she told Charlie Gibson. She has no interest in even acknowledging that it's CONCEIVABLE she's not prepared. Here's someone so insecure that she thinks it would have been a flagrant admission of unworthiness if she had simply said, "Yes, John offered me a huge responsibility, and after much reflection and discussion with him, I decided to accept and allow the American public to make their own decision."

Watching these interviews, which provide our only glimpse of what the non-scripted Sarah Palin is really like, I'm not so concerned about her incredible degree of ignorance and her inability to form a coherent sentence; I'm more concerned that she is evidently EXTREMELY uneasy being challenged or pressed on anything she says. Is this someone who's going to surround herself with people smarter than she is, people who will tell her when she's wrong, people who will tell her what she doesn't want to hear? Or will she surround herself with sycophants who reinforce her own worldview and her opinion of herself? Is she going to let facts and common sense guide her decisions, or will she be more concerned about asserting herself as The Decider and proving to her advisors that she's not an idiot? What does the record show us? The image of her working out the state budget with her husband Todd and the emails from her subordinates saying things like "You're SO awesome!" do not paint a very optimistic picture, were she ever to occupy a position of real power.

What scares me about Palin is not inexperience or ignorance. It's that when I watch her in those interviews, every fiber in my body tells me that what I see is an insecure, defensive, and incurious individual who knows she's already ascended beyond her abilities, and is deeply uncomfortable with being faced with that reality. If given the opportunity, I'm sure that she would shield herself from it as much as she possibly could - probably without even realizing she was doing it.

Just look at Mao to see what happens when an insecure, small-minded human being is handed vast amounts of power. The reason the Great Leap Forward resulted in 50 million deaths is, above all, that Mao unwittingly created incentives for people to tell him what he wanted to hear, even if it wasn't true. People have a natural tendency to favor those who make them feel good, which can backfire against managers in a very big way; and Sarah Palin gives no indication that she's the sort of person who understands or appreciates this issue. It doesn't matter how much executive "experience" you have (not that she has much of that, either) if you don't have the mental and psychological qualities of a great manager. And courageous, intelligent management requires more psychological fortitude than Sarah Palin has demonstrated in any of her interviews, where she comes across as fragile, fussy, and impatient towards any kind of intellectual challenge.

She's bad news, and it's not because she's inexperienced.

What Chicken Sandwich?

I want to start by saying that Chick fil a usually provides me with wonderful customer service. In fact, in all of my trips there (a lot) I have only had one problem other than today. I went to the Short Pump Town Center location-- (probably my fault because i prefer the free standing locations) and the service was horrible. First of all "Erika" looked like she hadn't hit puberty yet-- then, she when she gave me my food-- she slammed the bag down on the counter and didn't ask me if I wanted any sauce. (I ALWAYS want sauce). Then... the violation of all violations-- she didn't say "My Pleasure" after I thanked her.

Moving beyond the initial bad experience-- I went to eat my "Sandwich" and there was no top bun. Excuse me? Are you trying to tell me I need to watch my carbs? Then... when I took it back to "Erika" and told her the problem... she looked at me like I was an alien. Took my sammy and whipped around to find someone else who maybe had two brain cells and said "umm like there's no bun on this...." The other person confirmed they had brain cells because they said "We will get them to make you a new one right away"... Thanks "Kayla"

Seriously- tighten up Chick Fil A. Especially you... "Erika"

If I Had a Penny: Project Runway Edition

Project Runway Season 5 contestant Kenley Collins is spunky and cute and, enviably, has amazing control over the behavior of her bangs. She's also alternative and vintage which just means that she prefers the alternative definition of the word "contestant", as seen here:

con·tes·tant (kn-tstnt, kntstnt)
n.
1. One taking part in a contest; a competitor.
2. One that contests or disputes something, such as an election or a will.

We should also add to that list "constructive criticism, preferably via eye-roll and, eventually, tears whose delicious sting nobody but Kenley will truly ever appreciate."

Girl cries A LOT. And because I'm all for a) Project Runway and b) spontaneous dips into the emotions pool, I was all set to give Kenley the benefit of the doubt and believe that she was moved to tears by her passion for fashion, until she went and committed the ultimate act of treason, i.e. disrespecting the sacred, notedly tight words of the Rt. Hon. Tim Gunn, at which point I gave up because life is too short to work at liking someone just because they have nice, shiny hair. Am I right? I mean, if passion for fashion wore a three-piece suit and said "make it work", it would look just like Tim Gunn. And so all the crying and talking back started to take the form of an ugly passion-less b-word that I really hate to deploy against my fellow womenfolk (it's a layered issue and we can chop that onion later - who's in for that entry!) so I felt a little stuck. Maybe she had a difficult childhood in a home where patterned fabric was a no-no? Perhaps her Brooklyn apartment is, like mine, designed for people who don't own clothes? No. It's something completely different. Take it away, Kenley:


Rad! Hormones! I get that. In fact there are some shooting towards my fingertips right now. Oh the emotion. Excuse me while I take a few deep breaths and go pound my head against the Feminine Wailing Wall for an hour or so before I can resume rational blogging.

P.S. See? I'm so out of it now that I forgot to tell Kenley to tighten up.