10 December 2007

Climate Control Systems

Climate control systems, it's time to tighten your shit up. Seriously, I'm sick of walking into a building--particularly one of those old buildings that everybody hates--and being slowly roasted in my own juices. My pants caught on fire the other day right in front of this really important professor, and I was totally mortified.

I know there's a NYC law that requires residential buildings be heated to certain temperatures during certain hours of certain months, but at least if my apartment gets out of control, I can cut off the radiator or crack a window.

I call for a simple solution: NYC building owners should be required to hire professional ice sculptors (probably from Maine) to carve ice sculptures in the image of important civic and historical figures, sports stars, and majestic land formations. They would be placed in key circulation areas, keeping temperatures perfectly regulated, and inspiring us all to greatness. And cleanup would be a total snap: the melted ice would just evaporate because the temperature would be 6,000 degrees again.

Climate control systems, get it together or you're gonna get hosed.


Orville said...

I, for one, am 100% any policy that involves ice sculptures. A-N-Y.

Pete said...

I was just thinking about this as I was sweating like George Bush in a Baghdad market last night in my apartment last night.