Playing dress up is for kids

When I was a lad, I used to like to put on my Superman pajamas, run around the house and pretend to fly, see through walls, fuck Lex Luthor up, and so on. I have it on good authority (read: my mom) that it was adorable. At the bare minimum, it was socially acceptable. And do you know why? Because I was six goddamn years old and not the leader of the free world!

George W. Bush, on the other hand, is the leader of the free world, at least by a technicality. And while he should be satisfied with this title and its accoutrements, since there are few left in the world who would entrust to the president's care his or her pet hampster, the younger Bush clearly strives for more, alternately by imagining himself the heir to any number of his more esteemed predecessors and by playing dress up. The most infamous example is of course the time he pretended he was a fighter pilot, complete with helicopter depositing him on an aircraft carrier and cock-of-the-walk strutting and preening. With all the ridicule heaped upon Bush, you might think that he would put his dress up days behind him. However . . .



. . . you would be wrong. The President has decided now that he'd like to pretend to be a scientist, and has been indulged with a white lab coat with his name embroidered on it, four lab assistants (one of whom is Horatio Sanz's father), three jars of beef jerky for experimentation purposes (and snacking!), and, of course, a toy car that the president can play with and make "vrooooom" sounds with his mouth.

Telling the president to tighten his shit up is like telling the sun to revolve around the Earth. So instead I will implore Republicans everywhere to tighten it up. Before you mock John Kerry windsurfing or wearing a space suit, or Michael Dukakis in a tank, please get your own party's house in order.