04 September 2007
Dear Abunda Life Church,
You also need to calm the fuck down. I first saw you near the beach in Asbury Park, New Jersey because you were next to the closest parking. That you manage to occupy an otherwise handsome and enormous building along an up-and-coming strip of the Jersey Shore is either an indication that property values there are lower than I expect, or, more likely, that you're hauling in more dough than any of us realizes and have not yet been displaced by a legitimate enterprise. Who knows, maybe Asbury Park has zoned this area "Cu-1" for "Cult and related uses" and has provided generous incentives for you to locate there, or maybe you're just perpetrating a ridiculous fraud on the world by construing the word of Robert H. Sorge--complete with boot camp, foot detox bath, and infrared ozone sauna--as anything other than the modern inheritor of the tradition of snake oil salesmen and carnival peddlers.
Abunda Life, you aren't a church, you aren't a healer, and you certainly aren't a military outfit. Your purveyance of psuedoscience-as-religion disgusts me, and the fact that your entryway looks like a ticket booth doesn't help matters. You'd better tighten up soon, or, I'd imagine, the IRS will do it for you.
Want to learn more? There's a website!
And don't miss out on the bootcamp!