04 September 2007

Dear Abunda Life Church,



You also need to calm the fuck down. I first saw you near the beach in Asbury Park, New Jersey because you were next to the closest parking. That you manage to occupy an otherwise handsome and enormous building along an up-and-coming strip of the Jersey Shore is either an indication that property values there are lower than I expect, or, more likely, that you're hauling in more dough than any of us realizes and have not yet been displaced by a legitimate enterprise. Who knows, maybe Asbury Park has zoned this area "Cu-1" for "Cult and related uses" and has provided generous incentives for you to locate there, or maybe you're just perpetrating a ridiculous fraud on the world by construing the word of Robert H. Sorge--complete with boot camp, foot detox bath, and infrared ozone sauna--as anything other than the modern inheritor of the tradition of snake oil salesmen and carnival peddlers.

Abunda Life, you aren't a church, you aren't a healer, and you certainly aren't a military outfit. Your purveyance of psuedoscience-as-religion disgusts me, and the fact that your entryway looks like a ticket booth doesn't help matters. You'd better tighten up soon, or, I'd imagine, the IRS will do it for you.

Want to learn more? There's a website!
http://www.abundalife.com/

And don't miss out on the bootcamp!
http://www.abundalife.com/clinicalservices/bootcamp.asp


11 comments:

Jordan said...

What is this, the Calm the Fuck Down Report?

Pete said...

Jordan, calm the fuck down...

John said...

I think Jordan needs to use "the Chi machine." Please see #9 of the "Twelve Unique Features of the Abunda Life Boot Camp":

Daily use of the Chi Machine. A machine for lymphatic drainage, circulation, stress relief, energy enhancement and Chi Balance.

Orville said...

dude, I'd have to say that 'Naturopathic' is a pretty tight word.

The Becca said...

You know what, I'm still not really sure what this place is...

Supplement Pro said...

Is this a joke. Homosexuals can do as they please. You must be a very stressed humanists atheist. Feel sorry for you. Dr. Sorge reads medical journals and natural medicine nearly 8 hours a day for 40 years. What do you do? Blog your hatred? Watch Michael Moores "Sicko" visit Dr. Mercola www.mercola.com. Are a you a liberal that hates everyone? You like Pharmaceutical companies? Ever heard of double blind placebo studies? Bastyr ? German Commission E. Ignorance is bliss to you. Enjoy your uneducated life. I have visited Abundalife and it changed my life. You change anyone's life?

Wesley said...

I'm going to have to agree with the Supplement PRO. What do you know at all about Abunda Life? I've been to Dr. Sorge's office and it changed my life in a big way. What is the purpose of your blog? Is it a place for you to view your obviously ignorant opinions over the web. You've proved absolutely nothing with this blog.

Wesley said...

I'm going to have to agree with the Supplement PRO. What do you know at all about Abunda Life? I've been to Dr. Sorge's office and it changed my life in a big way. What is the purpose of your blog? Is it a place for you to view your obviously ignorant opinions over the web. You've proved absolutely nothing with this blog.

Didi said...

Wow. You could use a consult from Dr. Sorge because your body mind and spirit are not well. You don't know what you are talking about on several levels. Dr. Sorge has been healing people for decades and not just in Asbury Park but worldwide. I guarantee he has more knowledge of the human body than your "primary care" physician but I don't have to because he has the degrees to prove it. Thank God for his resilience and entrepreneurialism to survive all the years that Asbury Park was a hell hole. I hope someday you can detox the hate from your soul. Dr. Sorge may be the best resource for you or someone you love who is sick or hurting. He has been for me and many of my friends. He can change your life too Mr. Angry Blogger. Sounds like you need it.

yrrab123 said...

Amen .Dr Sorge when I was 28 years old and the medical Doctors said that I needed to take this and that prescriptions, I went to robert, followed his programs, today I am 72 years old and work in construction everyday. B. Rocap

Rob Cook said...

Dr. Sorge saved my life back in the mid 1990s. I thought he was a genius. My entire body was toxic, I was so sick I could barely walk from one room in my house to the other. I was 6'1 and 150 lbs, pale as a ghost with semi-long, unhealthy, scarecrow-looking hair. The MDs thought it was all "in my head" and needed antidepressants!!!! Even though I was barely having two bowel movements a week! Robert put me on a month-long juice and powder fast and this made all the difference in building a healthy foundation for the reconstruction that followed. It took about a year and a half to complete the transformation.

However, there is a bad ending to this, and it really has nothing to do with the methods used by Dr. Sorge, or any lack of intelligence/skill/knowledge on his part, but rather the inevitable decline in mental sharpness that happens with age.

Dr. Sorge warned me about the dangers of backsliding and of the potentially devastating consequences of a negative mindset, and how the subconscious mind can be programmed to destroy the body.

I started backsliding in about 2001. I stopped eating healthy. I engaged in a psychotic amount of internally-directed hate-speech. Years and years of rage followed. Now I am in end stage liver disease. Diagnosed with cirrhosis and autoimmune hepatitis in January of this year. Never drank alcohol, never did drugs, and though I was far from Dr. Sorge's rigorous diets, I took reasonably good care of myself compared to others.

I went to see Dr. Sorge back in February 2014, twenty years to the day I saw him for the first time in 1994. And I have to say, sadly, that the guy is tragically off his game. He is a diminished man in every way. He self-deprecatingly called himself a "naturopathic quack" and seemed full of doubt, which is very unlike the thundering, undeniable presence of the man I met in 1994.

Make no mistake. The man was a genius. But he is no longer that man. He is dangerous. And he really, really needs to retire.
He put me on a 45 day juice/powder fast very similar to the one he prescribed in 1994, EVEN THOUGH MY NEEDS WERE ENTIRELY DIFFERENT. One of his powders, Green Power Formula #1 contains niacin. This, I later learned, is the absolute WORST thing for a malfunctioning liver. The resulting flush, which usually lasts 5-15 minutes, lasted THREE HOURS and I could not stop shaking. I ended up in the ER later that night. It was written off as an anxiety attack (the typical Western medicine go-to explanation for anything that would otherwise require real thinking) and I went home after an hour and a half.

I called Sorge the next day and he said to cut back from a tablespoon to half a teaspoon of the offending powder. Foolishly, and not realizing that magic only happens once, if at all, I went back on the regimen two days later. I could not do it. An inner voice was screaming at me to stop, stop, stop. I am glad I did. The man who saved my life back in 1994 would have taken it from me in 2014.

And the saddest thing of all? He never once called to see how I was doing. And I have a life-threatening condition.

So if anyone out there has heard wonderful things about Dr. Robert Sorge, I want to warn you--he is simply nowhere near the man he was. If you want a simple detox and your situation isn't too dire, or if you want to lose weight, I am sure he can help you. But please, please--if your condition has progressed to something life-threatening-- he will not be able to help you. Maybe in the past, but definitely not in 2014.