Disconcerting news story of the day

WSJ:

Boeing Dreamliner Again Delayed

Boeing again delayed the 787 Dreamliner's initial test flight, because of structural weakness where the wings join the plane's body.

As far as structural weaknesses go... that's definitely one of the bad ones.

Get Back Pirate or I'll Blast Yar!

Ah, the Heritage Foundation, a think tank where conservatives can pursue scholarly solutions to the USA's most dire problems.

Solutions like fighting pirates with lasers.



November 25, 2008
Pentagon Should Battle Pirates and Terrorists with Laser Technology
by James Jay Carafano, Ph.D.


Directed Energy Weapons, particularly those powered by lasers, have long been the stuff of science fiction. Due to recent innovations in commercial solid-state lasers and their adaptation to military uses, potential and immediate national security applications for these weapons are apparent.

The Pentagon, however, has been agonizingly slow in fielding operational prototypes. This must change. There are real-world missions for which laser weapons are needed right now. Additionally, fielding prototypes is essential for developing the appropriate tactics, techniques, and procedures for employing these new capabilities. Unless the military gets these new technologies in the field, it is doubtful the full potential of such weapons will ever be realized. Additionally, further delays make it unlikely that a constituency will develop within the military to strongly advocate for developing and fielding directed energy weapons.

I'm not going to say it would make the best movie ever ... I'm just saying whoever writes that script first is going to make HUNDREDS of dollars.

Fox News' blooper reel grows

During a commercial break from the season finale of 24, Fox 5 News anchor Brian Bolter delivered this little gem; we're glad to know they're so modest, Brian.

Venerable designer loses marbles.

never.

Your Misery is Not Good Company.

An open letter to the cranky middle-aged weirdo in the office.

Dear CMAW,

I'm sorry you hate your job, your wife, your kids and (from listening to you bitching day in and day out) pretty much everything except fantasy baseball.
We work in a tiny office space so my headphones will not drown out your random yelling outbursts at the aforementioned job, wife, kids etc...
Your misery is now my misery.

Oh wait - actually I'm not sorry.

I need you to please become medicated, quit or find something else that will make you not here.

Oh and if I were you I would also consider tightening the fuck up.

xo -
Brenda

Music "insider" revises history of rock and roll.

{Expanding on a tweet from this a.m.}

Last night, moron American Idol judge Kara DioGuardi weighed in on contestant Danny Gokey's rendition of Aerosmith's Dream On, citing that she would've preferred some "early Aerosmith", such as Cryin' or Crazy. Yeah, that early Aerosmith from the 90s, right?

Tighten, DioGuardi: Aerosmith formed in 1970 (the year you were born), and Dream On was released on the band's eponymous first album from 1973.

Secondary tighten goes to Gokey himself for shredding the final notes of the song, ruining the climax. To his credit, it was a noble attempt, but well beyond his range.

{and never you mind that the Tighten Up Report sometimes watches AI}

See the performance here (DioGuardi's comments unfortunately excluded):

Musclebound Hulkamaniac begs for requitement, humiliates self.

I don't care if it's fake, it still fails as a bad joke. To tighten!

Loose elevator maintenance

When I saw this I imagined the super of the office building on the phone with the elevator company and their conversation going something like this...
Super: Hello, yes I need a number 10 button - ours is broken.
Elevator Supplies Depot: Sure ...oh, wait ... we only have 1's ans 0's ... no 10.
Super: No 10? Are you sure?
Elevator Supplies Depot: Yep.
Super: Ok ... I guess a 1 will do ... less confusing then 0 - you have a square button right?
Elevator Supplies Depot: ....

Swine Flu Reporting: a study in untightness

I could go on and on about how untight cable news is 96 percent of the time. But this morning MSNBC won the award for the day.
In the middle of reporting the first death in the United States from the dreaded pig pox* - the anchor stops and says:
"Wait we are now getting an update, the child that died was actually Mexican."

Oh, ok - crisis averted.

* hand hits forehead *

Can't.





(*Miss Piggy does not have the swine flu ... pig pox or any sort of farm animal virus because she is a puppet)

Loose Planning.