28 October 2008

Palin for Mahna Mahna 2008

The question is, what is a Palin?

The question is, who cares?

23 October 2008

I'm not fat.

So I'm svelt, trim, skinny. Where can I find a dress shirt that fits? I have a few from H&M but the closest store is over an hour away (and no online store, what gives?). Any suggestions?

20 October 2008

Loose Tech Support

Dear Tech Support Team at T-Mobile,
I am blindingly angry at you and your lack of tech support.
How is it POSSIBLE that my problem with my brand new blackberry is beyond your comprehension?
I have spoken to three tech experts ... no one has been able to fix the problem.
I have also realized that anyone can be a tech expert because the term is applied liberally at T-Mobile ... hobos, cats, plastic bottles ... anything or anyone.

Tech person one told me no other device ever manufactured by the company has ever gotten stuck on the loading screen. Really Tech person one? Because Tech person 2 disagrees.

Tech person number two said it was fixable but I couldn't do it on a macintosh. WTF? Who doesn't have mac compatible software?! It's fucking 2008!

Tech person 3 tried really hard ... I'll give him that ... but still ultimately failed so I hate him too.

I hate the blackberry 8700 ... I hate T-Mobile ... I now need moral support more than I need tech support.

Tighten up.

xo -

05 October 2008

Ridiculous Tight.

And others: http://www.zinasaunders.com/pages/illustration/index.html

Registration Lamentation

Why do we have to register to vote a month in advance of the election? Check out the states with the highest voter turnout in the 2004 election (taken from StateMaster.com):

1. Minnesota 76.7%
2. Wisconsin 73%
3. Maine 72%
4. North Dakota 70.8%
5. Oregon 70.6%
6. Montana 69.9%
7. New Hampshire 68.9%
8. Iowa 68.8%
9. South Dakota 67.1%
10. Missouri 66.3%

76.7%!!! That is like downright European. I live in Virginia, currently 36th down on the list. Why does Minnesota have such great turnout? Is it that Minnesotans are a whole bunch more politically engaged? Less disillusioned? More civically minded? No. Turns out that of these 10 states, 5 have at-the-polls registration (Maine, Minnesota, Montana, NH, Wisconsin, Wyoming), Oregon has by mail voting and North Dakota has no registration requirements. Many European countries automatically register voters (check out Germany, Denmark) or make registering compulsory (UK). So when we hear the inevitable post-election lamentations regarding poor voter turnout, I think we need to examine how draconian registration requirements prevent Americans from voting rather than blame a hypothetically apathetic citizenry. Word.

03 October 2008

A lil' moment of tightness (which are far too few in this world, don't you think?)

As I recounted a lil' while ago, I experienced an encounter with a Postal Service employee who subjected me to endless interrogation as to my religious beliefs, and then foisted upon me a Tract of propaganda relating to her faith, which is "Jehovah's Witness." Taking none too kindly to this infiltration of religious extremism into the civil service, I wrote a letter of complaint with very low expectations of receiving any reply. But as recent experience has shown, almost any expectation, set low enough, can be surpassed.

I received a most welcome and, well, let's not hold back here, I should say Tight reply to my letter, as follows:

"Dear Postal Customer:

We have contacted the Yellowstone Post Office personnel responsible for the Grant Village Contract Postal Unit regarding your experience there. The Manager has been apprised of the situation and is taking the necessary actions to ensure that this practice does not continue. A notice will be issued to the Grant Village CPU supplier informing them that further inquiry of customer's religious beliefs and/or distribution of religious materials within the CPU will result in immediate termination of their contract for default. [This wasn't technically a Post Office, but was a contract office, sort of like a franchise.]

All concerned are now working together to ensure that you do not experience any further difficulties. Please accept our sincere apology for the inconvenience you have experienced."

Few things in life are better than customer service done right. I'm calling them Monday morning to tell them in person how much I love them and want to have their babies.

Sarah Palin Tolerates Gay Pepole And Other Kinda Great American Truths


WINK! If you're anything like me, i.e. a proud lip product-wearing double Xer who likes to spend her nights watching infomercials and dreaming about six packs then MAN OH MAN was last night a great moment for America, which is a great great nation which I am blessed to be, like, sitting in right now. The debate that was had last night, you know, was just resilient Main Street resources governor and then puppy dog tails Alaska! Butchya know, I don't so much like debates because they take the focus off the sidelines of the soccer games of America and put them in the elite city colleges of the not small towns and then everyone gets fucked. So what I really liked, and what I'm sure you really liked because if you're not like me then what in name of Bullwinkle are you doing reading this, I mean HA HAHAHA HAAAAA. Seriously. What.

Where was I? Yup! Ok, so what I really liked about the debate was that it was more like regular American real talk time, like the kind I have with my Aqua Net Hairspray wholesale rep who is also a maverick. I just kinda looked the debate in the eye at the beginning and was like "Hiya! I'm not at all sure what I'm doing here watching this Washington cocktail party, something about blinking maybe? but I don't like it, it's a leeetle bit big in the crotch, so mind if I pretend I'm watching a Martina McBride concert on GAC instead? THANKS. I love her. She's American." And it was great.

And especially what was entrenched in last night's greatness was all the truth of everything that was said, except when it wasn't and then God corrected it, so it was like the non-truth was never said in the first place, I think something about taxes. Alaska! But only the small town part. And that Gwen, who I truly tolerate, was so funny with her asking of some questions. It was a little rude, to be straight with ya, the way she interrupted with the questions when really, real regular American talk does not stop or blink, even when you're not really super sure if you have anything to say and you really really need to blink kinda bad but then God tells you what to say and the real talk goes on and on like oil reserves, which are great for drilling, which is not at all like rape. Rape is when something bad happens but then you get to have a baby afterwards so it's like nothing bad happend in the first place. It's like truth! And Alaska! Which is part of America, kinda. WINK.