27 December 2007

20 December 2007

Happy Holidays (Corporate) Detroit

Oh, Stephen L. Johnson.

Today, EPA Administrator Johnson denied 17 states the right to set their own (stricter) fuel efficiency and emissions standards, saying the less stringent fuel economy federal standard recently (reluctantly) signed by Bush makes their efforts moot.

The giant sucking sound you might hear from the EPA's Crystal City campus today is either:

1) The U.S. auto industry's collective fellatio of Stephen's Johnson.
2) Well, fuck it, let's hand everything over to Japan. (This also sounds like a sucking vacuum, as in evaporating jobs/competitive long-term strategy in view of rising $ per bbl/etc. )

Steve-O, who do you work for?

Didn't Bush get appointed for an environmental platform of letting states decide when and how to regulate their own unique environmental problems?

Tighten up EPA. We were a joke/obstacle in Bali, the least we can do is regulate carbon locally. In the end, the U.S. auto lobby is digging its own grave. As goes California, so goes the rest of the nation. Unless the rest of the country is run by douche bags. Sigh.

19 December 2007

Letstalk.com, you are as reliable as that wino outside of Gibson's grocery.

Today I wrote my first "disgruntled customer" letter to a company. So over the past month or so I have spent close to 5 hours talking to customer service. In the letter I itemized my grievances:

1. I was not initially credited for free Night and Weekend minutes.
2. I was dissatisfied with the Nokia phone and initiated an exchange for a Samsung candy bar phone (I’m not, believe it or not, super picky. The Nokia phone was pretty chincy).
3. While I sent the phone back by the the last week of September, letstalk.com dragged their ass, and stopped offering the Samsung phone on October 1st. I waited without a phone and without communication from letstalk.com.
4. Called and told to pick another phone. Ensured rebate would still apply.
5. Called T-Mobile to make sure I would not be charged another activation fee. I was.
6. Got phone, did not have the correct telephone number, actually letstalk.com did not initiate an exchange but rather activated a second account. Was told by letstalk.com there was nothing they could do about this.
7. Exasperated. Refused to get off phone with letstalk customer service representative. And then click,
“You mean to say we activated a second telephone line rather than initiating an exchange.”
“::chuckle:: yes, that is what I’ve been saying for the past 20 minutes.”
“Oh, ok, I’m sorry, no problem, we’ll take care of it.”
“You were going to hang up on me 2 minutes ago.”
“Ya, sorry about that.”
8. Started rebate today. Found out purchase had to happen prior to October 1st. Started the exchange before then (Please refer back to gripe #4), but the letstalk.com delay fucked me over.
9. Called customer service, told that nothing could be done.
10. Wrote my disgruntled letter.
11. Posted this to the TUR.

It was kind of comical. I really had no recourse at the end of my last customer service call. And then the epiphany- I can write a letter! Haha! A letter! Heads will roll! So I'm like, "Sarah (letstalk.com rep) does letstalk have an address so that I can write a LETTER?"
"Um, wait a sec.....can I put you on hold?"

Who knows, maybe letstalk.com reads this blog just as much as the Roanoke Public Library.

18 December 2007


Here is a shot from the Today show this morning where this woman was outlining guidelines for snagging a husband. Will, Pepper and I found it pretty amazing. There's not too much to add. Ladies take note, because clearly this fashion plate knows a ton about looking great.

And the word of the year is....


Take that real other words!

12 December 2007

Austin's Octopus Project are Supertight

You know how when a friend tells you about a band that are about to blow the fuck up on the tightness scale? I first saw these cats at Beauty Bar's backyard at SXSW 2005, and was instantly smitten. More smitten than Drew Cary at a dark black glasses convention, if someone were to organize a convention to sell exclusively dark black glasses and funnel cakes. Anyway, hope you'll enjoy. They are nucking futs live.

New Video

At Coachella:

Lead keys/theramin/heart thief:

Drew Carey, you have a dream job.

Drew Carey needs to tighten it up! He's the host of one of the greatest gameshows of all time, The Price is Right, but he seems about as interested in being on stage as Oliver North testifying before congress.

His job consists of dispensing cheap dining room suites and entry model domestic automobiles (with California emmissions) to Joe and Joan Sixpacks who know the price of Garlique tablets and can land Plinko chips in a tray. Jesus, how could you not just get drunk everyday before work and hi-five old ladies and make fun of fratjerks?

Bob Barker was a tough act to follow, but Jesus man, get it together.

Too tight?

A few weeks ago BBC News Tokyo reported that Japan has locked-down its immigration procedures. Now all foreign travelers entering the country will be fingerprinted and photographed. What's more, even foreigners living in Japan (i.e., those who have visas) who leave the country will be subjected to these proceedings upon returning to Japan.

An Englishman in Osaka gives an interesting, satirical view of the new immigration procedures. He states that in addition to photographs and fingerprints, folks entering the country will also be interviewed about their reasoning for coming to Japan.

The really surprising part of all this is that there has been no obvious terrorist activity committed by foreigners in Japan to date. Weird. Has Japan gotten a little too tight for its breeches?

11 December 2007

Transit Tightness

Sometimes, I dream. It's a long, $30B road to tightness, but the jackhammers are pounding.
[check out the tunnel boring machine. it's incredible]

10 December 2007

Climate Control Systems

Climate control systems, it's time to tighten your shit up. Seriously, I'm sick of walking into a building--particularly one of those old buildings that everybody hates--and being slowly roasted in my own juices. My pants caught on fire the other day right in front of this really important professor, and I was totally mortified.

I know there's a NYC law that requires residential buildings be heated to certain temperatures during certain hours of certain months, but at least if my apartment gets out of control, I can cut off the radiator or crack a window.

I call for a simple solution: NYC building owners should be required to hire professional ice sculptors (probably from Maine) to carve ice sculptures in the image of important civic and historical figures, sports stars, and majestic land formations. They would be placed in key circulation areas, keeping temperatures perfectly regulated, and inspiring us all to greatness. And cleanup would be a total snap: the melted ice would just evaporate because the temperature would be 6,000 degrees again.

Climate control systems, get it together or you're gonna get hosed.

09 December 2007

08 December 2007

Tightnod: Cabela's

Word up Cabela's. Way to keep the denizens of our fair land armed and full of jerky.

06 December 2007

Pepper, Tighten-Up. That's Right I Said It...

I never thought I would have to do this, but, Pepper, you need to tighten. I refer to your previous comments regarding the Cavman of UVA and your not wanting to be facebook buddies. Low and behold, I login this morning to see "Pepper and CavMan Uva are now friends," on your page.

Ouch dude. Seriously. Ouch.

I haven't felt this betrayed since my other hero turned out to be a faker.

Tighten-Up by Proxy: Project Beltway Throws Down

Via Project Beltway.

Original text:

Dear Men of Downtown Washington,

How about you move.

Do you see that grate in the sidewalk? Yeah. The one encrusted with yesterday’s mintry mix?

I’m wearing heels, and you’re more than likely wearing thick-soled AmJacks (shoutout to reader rdhd), so when I’m walking toward you on the sidewalk, how about you take two seconds to consider that it might be the gentlemanly thing to do to move onto the grate.

I know that you’re the same clueless asshat who can’t be bothered to say excuse me when you and your conference-freebie man-bag thwack me in the side as you step in front of me entering a Metro turnstile, but how about you at least pretend to be a gentleman?

Love hugs & kisses,


This is hilarious: I want to buy corn dogs from Obama and give Hilary and Giuliani a bib. Way to kick it unbiased, New York Times. I'm throwing a TU for the humiliating stock footage, though it did make me laugh. [More complaining; self-promotion.]

Metro: Decidedly Untight

One day after an inch of snow brought Metro to it's knees ... I get this alert after boarding this morning:
(ID 40098) Disruption at Farragut North towards Glenmont. (Trains are sharing the same track due to a sick customer aboard a train at Farragut North station. Expect delays in both in both directions.). Unsubscribe: wmata.com/opt_out.cfm

Why close down ONE CAR when you could close down the ENTIRE Red line?
Did this person have a flesh eating virus? In that case - would I get more notice?

40 minutes later:
(ID 40098) Disruption at Farragut North was cleared. Thank you for riding Metro.. Unsubscribe: wmata.com/opt_out.cfm
No Metro, Thank you for giving me one more reason to take a cab.

You are in need of a tightening.

04 December 2007

Mobile Tightness Units

...have arrived. Think globally, act locally.

Yours In Tightness,
The Tighten Up Report
Editorial Board

03 December 2007

Dear Ticketwhoremaster,

Explain to me how a service fee is different from a processing fee. Then explain to me why it costs me another $2.50 to print out your ticket from my printer, using my ink.

Then explain to me why you haven't been broken up by the FCC as a obvious cartel between venues, bands, and you.

Please, collegehumor.com/vimeo/webzine affiliates, explain why no other ticket provider can provide this service at a more reasonable price? WTF?!

Cafe Mismanaged, purveyor of Bottleneck Bagels

Cafe Fresh, located at 1242 Amsterdam Avenue at 121st Street, has got to tighten up.

The place opened up about a year ago, and Becca and I have been there on numerous occasions because it's the coffee shop closest to my apartment. But I can't stand the ridiculous service at this place any longer.

The problem starts when you walk in the door an directly into the back of somebody waiting in line (see diagram). See, rather than take the unique horseshoe shape of their space and make it an advantage, the owner decided to make the single most restricting spot in the whole cafe the central circulation point.

Result: a total clusterfuck.

If you're in line, somebody just ran into your back, is trying to get from the seating area to the bathroom, or just spilled coffee all over you because we've exceeded the recommended maximum allowable elbows for a 50 square foot space.

What's especially irritating is that I'd be willing to deal with the clusterfuck if the service could put a cup of coffee in my hand in fewer than 17 minutes--which it can't. There is a single cashier/barista/quasi-manager, and he could totally borrow some of the arms connected to those extra elbows on the side of the counter.

It's a shame, because the food is pretty good...that is, if you can get there before they run out of bagels at 10am on a weekend. Don't do that.

Yet another example of supermarket looseness...

Some inappropriate early December labeling sent by a friend. It can be found right next to the Swiss cheese with pastrami on rye.
PS-If you don't get that reference, move to New York, go to a Jewish deli, and ask for cheese on you sandwich...