13 November 2007

Elephants are hot...

It's been a long while since I threw a tighten up on anything, so I really wanted to come back strong. Thankfully, one can always look to celebrities for a solid TU. Paris Hilton has decided the best way for her to make a phoenix-esque rise from the ashes of her once meaningless and still meaningless life, is to develop an Angelina Jolie/Madonna-like crush on some plighted being. Rather than starving children, education, or disaster relief, however, Paris has decided to focus her time and attention on the more personally meaningful cause of drunk elephants.

Hilton, who recently did a stint in county lock-up for drunk driving, has stated that "the elephants get drunk all the time. It is becoming really dangerous. We need to stop making alcohol available to them... It is just so sad."

Oh Irony! Paris is thy name...

7 comments:

Pepper said...

WON'T SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK OF THE ELEPHANTS?!

Brenda Starr said...

This is why they hate us.

Matthew said...

As an urban planner, I say we should let more animals loose and wasted on the streets more often. Can you imagine this shit happening in New York? The army would have come out or something. I say let it ride, mothas!

elephant man (i.e., human being) said...

In an alternate universe (specifically, Planet of the Pachyderms), on the widely read blog Tighten Your Trunk Report...

...Said Jumbo the Elephant, "These Hollywood skanks get drunk all the time. It is becoming really dangerous. We need to stop making alcohol available to them... It is just so sad."

To which someone in the comments responded with snark, "WON'T SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK OF THE HOLLYWOOD SKANKS?!"

The Becca said...

How much coke could an elephant snort?

Pete said...

Probably less than Paris Hilton...

sarah said...

elephants can suck up 15 quarts of water in their trunks. youre welcome.