29 May 2008

Note to teens and other half-wits: don't sunbathe on train tracks

I hope to god these girls were on drugs, because otherwise: WTF?

Also see: http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/us/2008/05/29/pkg.me.girls.hit.by.train.wcsh

Oh no yummo!


I admittedly hate Rachael Ray - her bastardization of the English language in her cookbooks fills me with rage -her voice makes me contemplate taking a George Forman grill to my forehead - I won't even get into the Wheat Thins commercials. For this reason I take a little bit of joy in this story ... but do realize that it is the most untight, ridiculous thing ever.
Check the comment from Dunkin' ... the ad was pulled because of ""the possibility of misperception detracted from its original
intention to promote our iced coffee." (hat tip: SM)


From the AP:

Dunkin' Donuts pulls Rachael Ray ad after complaints
BOSTON (AP) - Dunkin' Donuts has pulled an online advertisement
featuring Rachael Ray after complaints that a fringed
black-and-white scarf that the celebrity chef wore in the ad offers
symbolic support for Muslim extremism and terrorism.
The coffee and baked goods chain said the ad that began
appearing online May 7 was pulled over the past weekend because
"the possibility of misperception detracted from its original
intention to promote our iced coffee."
In the spot, Ray holds an iced coffee while standing in front of
trees with pink blossoms.

"Cute"



Cute (adj,): attractive, esp. in a dainty way; pleasingly pretty: a cute child; a cute little apartment.

This word is so overused and and says approximately nothing about the item being described. A simple "I like it" would suffice.
I, too, am a bit of a cuteaholic - so I'm starting a movement: To ban this word for at least a month.

Join me in the revolution and expand your vocabulary.

Here are some alternatives: adorable, attractive, beautiful, clever, coy, cunning, dainty, precious, pretty, sharp, shrewd.

28 May 2008

Just say no?

tighten up!

This is hilarious. Apparently these girls think they're too pretty and were treated unfairly on a plane. WTF. Must watch. Hilarious. Seriously, tighten up ladies, you're 7's at best.



Um ... WTF Houston Airport?


This is a sticker on trash cans in bathroom at the Houston Airport - it's a little blurry but basically tells people not to throw their needles in the trash and to use the designated disposal container.

Attention travelers at Houston International Airport ... if you need to dispose your needles please do not put them in the trash can. Wait ... why the fuck are you using needles in a public restroom so much that it would necessitate a SIGN in the airport?!
Ew.

19 May 2008

Bad idea


The Space is pretty cool. I like it there. But it's a bar and they have these really awesome white couches that look great in early in the evening, when you can see them.
But then I have a couple of drinks and there's this ledge next to the couch that really wants me to dance on it. So I stepped on the couch to get to the ledge. And I made some icky foot prints. I feel bad, but The Space should get real and understand that this cannot be a good idea. White couch + Drunkeness = Dirty Couch.
Tighten Up the Space!

18 May 2008

Transformers? What!?

Almost 2 years ago, my ancient 4 gig ipod died. As a tribute to my fallen friend, I photographed its dying screen and posted the image to flickr. Today, when I checked the "recent activity" section of my account, I saw this:


Bought a Samsung? Never had a problem? Who are you, LordGalvatron, and why the F should I care about your Samsung and its magnificent performance? Are you in the habit of divebombing strangers' flickr pages and leaving snide, self-aggrandizing comments?

That remains to be seen, but one thing that's perfectly clear is that you love transformers! Tighten up, and thanks for stopping by!

16 May 2008

Self-Tighten #3457

Mirza, Zach and I decided to have some dude time last night. We began the night with a quick visit to Boris at the Turkish and Russian Bath House. After a nice steam, we headed to the Ssam Bar for a little dinner and some drinks. Upon completing our excessive pork consumption, we hit up Angel Share for some whiskey. After my third Basel Hayden’s, I began to feel control slipping. We proceeded, drunkenly, to Tile Bar to visit Mary. After a few more Bookers and a Knob Creek on the rocks, I might as well have been orbiting Neptune. I was ranting at the top of my lungs that I was literally the MAN.

Some quotes from this morning’s email chain…
“If I understood you correctly, you were explaining that you were the new world order,”
“You were claiming that your upkeep with the latest Gossip Girl episodes made you more manly.”
“Oh, and you were a hipster before hipsters started becoming hipsters.”
“And you invented Khaki pants.”

I also proceeded to get into a heated debate with Meera, Mirza’s new lady who I had never met before (I know, Mirza and Meera, it’s too cute to function), about which season of Gossip Girl we were in, the first or the second. I was completely wrong and had no idea what I was talking about. To put is plainly, I was a total shit-show.

I am too old for this kind of behavior. Seriously. Tighten it up Pete.

PS- Basel Hayden’s is the best bourbon ever and Gossip Girl is an awesome TV show

12 May 2008

09 May 2008

Son, stop looking at your mother that way.

A Tight-Poll: Awesome Photoshop chops or crazy weird sauce?

ManBabies.com - Dad?
More at ManBabies.com.

Happy Friday!

This is just a simple display of tightness.
Keep in mind - I'm easily amused.

http://www.thingsididlastnight.com/

Arg! Mrph! Ack!

How does big pharma know which doctors are prescribing their drugs? How do they know which offices to reward with pens, sketch pads and super tasty lunches for the entire staff? The reps walk through the door knowing literally how much the physicians have prescribed, any change in prescribing rates month to month and whether the physician's prescribing practices are covering the costs of their handouts. If x (total profit on drugs) - y ( total expenses incurred) is less than zero, they stop coming. But how? How do they know?

It is pretty well known that pharmaceutical companies pay the pharmacies for prescribing data. This is data in aggregate without specific identifiers. Sure you can assume that the pharmacy is serving only people from a defined geographic area, but this does not not tell you anything about the prescribing practices of individual physicians. That is where the American Medical Association comes in:

http://content.nejm.org/cgi/content/full/354/26/2745

About 16% of the AMA total income comes from providing that last link - providing data from their physician Masterfile so that pharmaceutical companies can link DEA license numbers and state medical license numbers to individual practitioners.

So, in essence, every single expensive non-generic drug prescribed has a little bit of a kick back built into the cost of the medication. Brought to you by your slimy no-good pharmaceutical company and the good people at the American Medical Association.

I feel like I am channeling my inner John Stossel.

08 May 2008

Tighten Up

Are you kidding me!? Lanaguage? Tighten up!!!

How a song gets written.




John Mayer, you are sometimes not funny. In this clip you kind of are.

07 May 2008

Pollen

Pollen needs to tighten the hell up and get outta my nose. Git!

Tight v Loose: The Ultimate Showdown

Loose.


Tight. And here's why...
Dear Ann,
Please get off your high horse and have some fun for once in your life. Let's put aside your "I know so much about world affairs I can say 'Kunar Province' instead of simply 'Afghanistan' in my movie review" elitism and focus instead on your obvious lack of an adventurers soul. Tony Stark is one of the most compelling characters ever written. Period. As in, not just in comics. He is a man torn by the means and ability to do good, but a fault of will. He knows right from wrong, but can't always seem to make the correct choice. As a SUPER hero, a man that is supposed to be above and beyond average, Stark personifies the very duality of man at its most basic levels, morality and choice and Downey does as good of a job as one could hope for showing that dual nature. I imagine Ann wouldn't know any of this because she is the kind of Superman-loving doucherock that tattled on her peers in grade school so she would get a better grade on her essay about Ethan Frome. At the end of the day, Ironman is a damn enjoyable summer flick, so you know what Ann, Calm the Fuck Down!

06 May 2008

Nevaduh (Nevăda)


I haven't posted in quite some time, but today I feel the need. Today, while I was on the phone speaking with someone located in the great state of legalized gambling and prostitution, I was rudely corrected for my proper Spanish pronunciation of their state, Nevada (read nəˈvɑ.də). It was done so quickly in passing that I didn't even have time to question it. Apparently I didn't know that Nevadans don't take a liking to pronouncing their state as it normally would be in its language of origin. I don't get it...it's like the song says, right: "tomato, tomato, potato, potato, let's call the whole thing off." So to you Nevadans, loosen up on the pronunciation of your state's name and tighten up your Spanish pronunciation skills.

05 May 2008

Tighten Up Cider

I was en route from C'ville to Berryville this afternoon. It was a gorgeous day. Just outside of Sperryville there is a fruit stand on the side of the road. As I drove past, I noticed their signage.
Asparagus, Strawberries... and then about 1/2 way down the list..
HO-Made Cider.

Really? One of two things is possible.
1) the person who made the sign thought the person who made the cider was a smut bag
2) they just need to tighten up.

I Scream.



So I'll admit - I have a phobia of ice cream trucks. At some point in the 80's a kid was hit by a car as he ran across the street for ice cream, so my concerned mother instilled the following equation in my head: Ice Cream Truck = DEATH.

Hey - D.C. mobile ice cream vendors you are doing nothing to help me get over this deep seated fear. LOOK AT YOU - your windows are tinted and you are driving an old VAN. The only reason I know you sell ice cream is that I hear creepy tinny "ice cream truck music" coming from your VAN'S STEREO and that it does indeed say "ICE CREAM" on your VAN (on one side ... only partially covering the old logo from a carpet company).

It is not called an ice cream van - it is suppose to be an ice cream truck.

If you must be a dessert cart of death ... at least be a tight one.

Wishing a tight birthday to a seriously tight kat.

He is one of the tightest people I know, a founder of the TUR and one hell of a guy. Happy birthday, Pepper! May your supreme tightness be felt around the world!

don't get too drunk around becca


or she'll tighten you up.

02 May 2008

Tighten Up

I can't help it. I shouldn't do this. I don't even know this kid. I know the pony. His name is Sport. But this picture is so funny I can't help it. Tighten Up, kid!

Self Tighten

I had a final at 9AM. I got a 68 on the midterm, so I needed everything to go well. Imagine my dismay when I woke up at 9:54. So I go in clothes I slept in. When I get there, the Honor Code (supertight in my eyes today) saved me. The exam was unproctored. There was a stack of blank tests on the table waiting for me. I sat down, started writing, was sweating uncontrollably (sorry to the kid next to me) and finished before time was up.

Tighten up Stu. Get up on time and take a shower. And get better grades.

Kinko's.... You can't do anything right.

UPDATED!

Went back last night. It was a disaster.

I tell them they're not folding right. They fix it once, hand me a copy. I give it back and say it's still a little crooked.

So they go and fix it and print 500 while I stand there reading horrible greeting cards.

They give them back to me 20 minutes later.

The back side of the brochure is flipped upside down.
Me: "um.... guys, these are still messed up"

So they print more. I start folding the crooked ones because I have 500 to hand fold in like 45 minutes and I can't dick around anymore.

Finally get them back.

THEY ARE CROOKED AGAIN.

I say fuck it, and fold them and ship them.


RIDICULOUS.

24th and M Kinkos... do not go there.Kinko's you are terrible. I had to make some copies of for the Virginia Pony Breeders Association, which is this volunteer thing I do. It's a ton of work. So after a previous disaster at Kinko's, I go back hoping it'll be different.

It's not. I get there at 7:08 in the evening. I was greeted by a locked door and this sign. The employee wasn't there by 7:15, look at the clock behind the sign. It got to be 7:25.

So I get in, email the pdf and have the prints made. Well, they sucked. They fold all screwy and the other ladies on the VPBA board are totally going to kill me. Now I'll have to go back to Kinko's and beg them to fix it. They're totally going to tell me it's my fault because that's what they do. On top of that, I've already folded about 100 of the 500 by HAND, which is one of the worst tortures known to man.

I hate Kinko's. I know it's isn't a funny post, but I really really hate you Kinko's.

01 May 2008

Coffins are terrifying



But when they're converted to furniture, I feel creepier than Woody Allen at a parenting convention.*

Collected from local funeral homes primarily in Southern California, health and safety laws prohibit the reselling of coffins as once a human body is placed in a coffin it is considered biohazard tissue. The six cast iron heavy duty legs are embossed with the universal biohazard insignia to keep you informed where exactly you're sitting. Impress your goth friends and pick one up for $3,500 US.


Yuk! Tighten!

/via Bone Donor
*I know Kristen has a coffin coffee table, but it's antique and looks like a box, so it's not a constant reminder of its intended use.

Tipping at hair salons: Talk amongst yourselves.

Hi, TUR.

I was wondering, do you tip at hair salons/barbers/hair cutteries? I always have, but what's the metric? If the stylist was rude or made you look like our pal Limahl, perhaps you'd reconsider the extra cash. But given all is well, how much? Is there a secret underground standard I've not been made aware of? Is 10% too little? Too much? I mean, it's not as though their wages are made of these tips as is the case for wait-staff. Is there a standard increment like a 5 or 10-spot? I just have no idea.

The related story is my neighbor just opened up a salon in our neighborhood and she cut my hair this morning: the cut is great and I had a nice time -- she was personable, professional and I would recommend other folks to go there. She caught me off guard when it came time to pay, however; she only accepts checks and I had no cash (whoops!). I asked her if it was okay to write a check for more and she was cool with it, but as I was leaving the shop I had the sinking feeling I had under-tipped. I added $5. I'm not sure why as I have tipped $10 at other places in the past. Now I'm worried she'll think I'm an ass-hat.

Anyhow, I'm just wondering if you all have any advice for me and the rest of our readership.

You're the best,
m.

yarmulke ≠ bald spot


yesterday, i mistook a tan yarmulke for a perfectly circular bald spot.

whoops! {what would jesus do?}