Sarah Palin Tolerates Gay Pepole And Other Kinda Great American Truths

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WINK! If you're anything like me, i.e. a proud lip product-wearing double Xer who likes to spend her nights watching infomercials and dreaming about six packs then MAN OH MAN was last night a great moment for America, which is a great great nation which I am blessed to be, like, sitting in right now. The debate that was had last night, you know, was just resilient Main Street resources governor and then puppy dog tails Alaska! Butchya know, I don't so much like debates because they take the focus off the sidelines of the soccer games of America and put them in the elite city colleges of the not small towns and then everyone gets fucked. So what I really liked, and what I'm sure you really liked because if you're not like me then what in name of Bullwinkle are you doing reading this, I mean HA HAHAHA HAAAAA. Seriously. What.

Where was I? Yup! Ok, so what I really liked about the debate was that it was more like regular American real talk time, like the kind I have with my Aqua Net Hairspray wholesale rep who is also a maverick. I just kinda looked the debate in the eye at the beginning and was like "Hiya! I'm not at all sure what I'm doing here watching this Washington cocktail party, something about blinking maybe? but I don't like it, it's a leeetle bit big in the crotch, so mind if I pretend I'm watching a Martina McBride concert on GAC instead? THANKS. I love her. She's American." And it was great.

And especially what was entrenched in last night's greatness was all the truth of everything that was said, except when it wasn't and then God corrected it, so it was like the non-truth was never said in the first place, I think something about taxes. Alaska! But only the small town part. And that Gwen, who I truly tolerate, was so funny with her asking of some questions. It was a little rude, to be straight with ya, the way she interrupted with the questions when really, real regular American talk does not stop or blink, even when you're not really super sure if you have anything to say and you really really need to blink kinda bad but then God tells you what to say and the real talk goes on and on like oil reserves, which are great for drilling, which is not at all like rape. Rape is when something bad happens but then you get to have a baby afterwards so it's like nothing bad happend in the first place. It's like truth! And Alaska! Which is part of America, kinda. WINK.

The 6pm to Fantasyland

Since this election is all about magical thinking anyway (if Palin doesn't give interviews, it'll be like she doesn't have to, etc), I'm wondering what a TUR-sponsored presidential debate would look like. I mean, I don't know. What does awesomeness look like?


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Apparently it looks a lot like a 1594 tableau by Martin de Vos. In the middle is the goddess of Tightness crowned with laurels and holding the scales of justice and a sword, triumphing over idiocy and dysfunction, symbolized by a masked woman caught in her own web and a violent miscreant who has been disarmed. In the foreground on the left, Moses is depicted with the Tables of the Law, and on his right the Emperor Justinian, the codifier of Roman Law. On the right there is the bearded Numa Pompilius, the second king of Rome, who compiled sacred laws inspired by his wife, the nymph Egeria. On the far right, Pliny the Elder can be seen, with his left hand resting on the 37 scientific works he wrote. 37! Anyway, I imagine that this is what the candidates will see before them as they do their best to answer my our questions.

You're wrong, Palin. We're not elites. We're GODS. Now go cower in your cave. We'll cover Plato another time.