Cuba Gooding Jr. has recently appeared in Hanes television commercials as part of a some-star cast of underwear spokespeople. To be clear, Michael Jordan has been Hanes' principal celebrity spokesathlete for as long as I can remember, and I think it's fair to say that he's at least somewhat associated with the brand in the popular conscience.
Why, I now wonder, has Hanes brought on Mr. Gooding Jr. to play second fiddle to Jordan's emeritus star? Is it really worth dragging Michael Jordan, a man who will be remembered as one of the history's finest athletes, through the mud for the sake of some third-rate slapstick? Now I'm a die-hard Hanes undershirt man: their tagless design is pure comfort. But I've got to reconsider my loyalties when a man of such extraordinary mediocrity begins to Bogart my shirts.
Cuba Gooding Jr., unhand Michael Jordan, and my undershirts too.