Climate Control Systems

Climate control systems, it's time to tighten your shit up. Seriously, I'm sick of walking into a building--particularly one of those old buildings that everybody hates--and being slowly roasted in my own juices. My pants caught on fire the other day right in front of this really important professor, and I was totally mortified.

I know there's a NYC law that requires residential buildings be heated to certain temperatures during certain hours of certain months, but at least if my apartment gets out of control, I can cut off the radiator or crack a window.

I call for a simple solution: NYC building owners should be required to hire professional ice sculptors (probably from Maine) to carve ice sculptures in the image of important civic and historical figures, sports stars, and majestic land formations. They would be placed in key circulation areas, keeping temperatures perfectly regulated, and inspiring us all to greatness. And cleanup would be a total snap: the melted ice would just evaporate because the temperature would be 6,000 degrees again.

Climate control systems, get it together or you're gonna get hosed.

On air-conditioning the city

Walking South on Amsterdam Avenue/115th Street, New York City, 8:30 pm: Matthew and I walk by the Columbia Law School annex building on the way to drink beer and eat wings. The front door is wide open, and the air conditioner is set to -3,000 degrees Fahrenheit. At 20' away, we are blasted with a refreshing current of air. It's pretty awesome.

Walking North on Amsterdam Avenue/115th Street, 20 wings and an inordinate amount of PBRs later: Matthew and I walk by the Columbia Law School annex building on the way home. The front door is wide open, and the air conditioner is set to -3,000 degrees Fahrenheit. At 20' away, we are blasted with a refreshing current of air. It's pretty awesome. ridiculous how much energy the fat cats at Columbia just wasted in making certain that the passing street rats are comfortable on a humid night.

Hey legal eagles, it doesn't matter how tight your weather stripping is when the fucking front door is open.