Dude, You're Getting a... Piece of Crap!

My work computer is a Dell Inspiron 1501 and sucks donkey balls. It is set up to "run" Windows XP, which is not as bad of an OS as Justin Long would have you believe, but the computer is incapable on many levels of functioning properly. As a matter of fact, I am writing this right now because I am unable to get any actual work done as my Outlook is totally pissed at me. Now, I am usually the first one to point the "user error" finger at anyone claiming to have technology problems, but, in this case, I believe I am innocent.

Allow me to explain. A large part of my job entails the sending of files as attachments to various people over the Internet. For some reason, my computer refuses to send attachments larger than say one Word document and when I try to send the attachment, my Outlook freaks out and tries to send the email over and over, which of course binds up my bandwidth and processor to the point that my entire system stop functioning and I am forced to restart to stop the meltdown. I realize, of course, that there are size limitations to sending attachment and I always check to ensure that I am under the limit. I have tried various things to correct the problem, but to no avail.

I would happily take suggestions from the readers, but at this point, I would rather just take a hammer and smash this piece of untaught shite square in the motherboard!

Anyway... Dell you suck. Tighten up!

Thank you for your time.

Further Evidence of Necessary Corporate Tightening...

Now, I didn't want to have to be the one to follow Jordan's life-altering post on Blockbuster, but I felt my experience this evening upon returning from work warranted a Tightening. I had just ordered some of the dynamite General Tso's Chicken from neighborhood fav Sammy's Noodle House, which I am now consuming, plopped down on the couch with my remote in hand, and cranked up the old idiot box. I started scanning and ended up on the NLCS game, which I am now watching. As I continued to scan through tonight''s offerings, I started to realize that something was not quite right in TV land. Channels whose programming I generally prefer were not where they were supposed to be. I continued scanning getting more and more worried. I was cresting the low 30's, working back from the mid-50's, when panic struck! Nervously fumbling with the remote, I hurriedly jumped to 18, my beloved Discovery Channel, only to find Bravo staring back at me!! I panicked. I continue to scan. The History Channel, SciFi, USA, nothing is where it's supposed to be!?!? In a virtual hyperventilation, I logged on to Time Warner Cable's website to read the following:

Dear Customers:
From time to time, it is necessary for us to shift channel positions in order to accommodate programming agreements. We understand how inconvenient it is when your favorite channel is no longer in its usual spot. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause.

I'm sure many of you can guess what caused the change. Of all things, it had to be this morning's premier of Fox Business News. The Discovery Channel is now relegated to the MID-60's because of Rupert Fucking Murdoch's need to get his fiscal rocks off!?! My God I want to punch something.

Alas, the mind has failed me...

After spending 24 hours trying to come up with a suitable pseudonym with which to post, I must tell myself to tighten it up in the creativity and wit department. Thank goodness a fellow "Tighten Up" buddy - whom I will call "Mr. Genius Man" - had a stroke of, well, genius when he reminded me of the nickname I had to bear throughout my adolescence.

Here's to hoping that I have indeed tightened up my act before attempting to post once more! Oh, and thanks again Mr. Man.