RPL Responds

Mr. Flagil_Reinhumps -
I apologize for the uncomfortable situation you were placed in this past week. Unfortunately due to the massive amount of obscene graffiti and gang tags the Main Library has experienced in the past year in its restrooms, Library Administration and the City decided it would be best if the restrooms were locked.

When I read your posting on The Tighten Up Report on Sunday, I was wondering if the librarian you spoke with thought you request additional time on Computer #2? Most of the requests we field at the desk are for additional computer time. We just started the buzzing patrons in the bathrooms last week and are just getting use to it ourselves.

Again, I apologize for the awkward situation and hope it doesn't stop you from using the Main Library.

Roanoke Public Libraries
706 S. Jefferson St.
Roanoke, VA 24016

Meal and Blog Post of the Day

I am not a poet. Please read this blog post and delight in the pictures.

A teaser taste:

War Profiteers, redux

Today's post was going to be all about how a bona fide sign of a fascist government includes using public money to train mercenaries to kill innocent civilians abroad, but then I remembered that we "deployed" Blackwater soldiers right in our own backyard. The same company that operates outside of Iraqi jurisdiction also helped with our home-brewed class war exposed in real time in the Ninth Ward.

Instead, today's military industrial complex tighten up award (perhaps a tiny statue of Cheney shooting us all in the face, or Ike intoning his warning to beware) goes to Exxon Mobile, who today posted record quarterly earnings. I know that a lot besides invasion and bloodshed over vast deposits of crude oil might increase the commodity price thereof. But it sure doesn't hurt Exxon Mobile every time Cheney turns on his pacemaker to threaten Iran or the aforementioned Blackwater opens fire on another group of Iraqis. Admittedly, Exxon is the most profitable and low-hanging fruit of my tirade. Fortunately, we still have exemplary operations to look at that should have nothing to do with war. Hello Shell in Nigeria!

If the MSNBC article is correct, Exxon Mobil has grossed some $40 billion more revenue this year than the discretionary annual budget of the US Department of Education.


See if you can play "when did the U.S. invade?" on the chart above. I know it's a bit old, but in view of today's quarterly earnings report, it is quite de moda.

Apostrophes 101

" ' "

I can't stand it anymore. To everybody, everywhere:

Apostrophes do 1 of 2 things:

1. Denote possession
2. Denote contraction

Here's how you use them:

1. Possession:

• If you possess it, and you don't have an S on your name, easy: [Pepper's broccoli].
• If you possess it, and you have an S on your name, easy: [The Jones' broccoli].
  
• TIP: [The Jones's brocolli] would be awkward. DBA [don't be awkward]. It's a plural possessive and should be [The Joneses' broccoli]. Except the Joneses hate broccoli.

• Yours, His, Hers: already possessive. No apostrophe. Ever.

2. Contraction [i.e. two words (or a compound word) become one (or shorter)]:

• Can + Not = "Cannot"; becomes [Can't]. The apostrophe symbolizes the contraction and disappearance of two letters.
• "Is not" becomes [isn't]. The apostrophe symbolizes the contraction and disappearance of one letter.

3. Curveball:

• [Its] is possessive but has no apostrophe. Why? Because:
• [It's] was already taken, and is short for "It is".
  
• Correct: It's difficult to use apostrophes.
• Correct: Grammar--its importance should not be overlooked.
  

Don't ever do this:

• Beaver's build dams.
• Beavers' build dams.

Discretionary:

• If it ends in X or Z. But let's not open that can of worms.

Know it, use it, love it.

_______________________
An addendum for Pete:

You + Are = You're

Your = possessive.

Example: You're loose unless you tighten your grammar.

Tight?

I can't decide yet, since I'm too preoccupied with the searing pain in my eyes...

NSFW!

My sister Kristen

My sister Kristen is seriously tight. You see, when you're my sister, there's a lot of things you have to do. My friends (P and Ingrid) joke about how they have to "babysit" me--and truer words have never been spoken. Babysitting Becca involves the normal thing you would do with a ten year old, like keeping me on time, making sure I've eaten, keeping me entertained with tv shows or events or finding my car keys. Now that you have an idea, here is what I did: twice in the last week, I had some driving issues.

Last Sunday, Kristen and I were coming back from a trailride, and planning on getting a bite at the Hunter's Head, but parking there is tricky when you're driving a horse trailer (which I was). So Kristen, driving her own car, told me to park in the church parking lot. As we got closer, the church parking lot looked full, but I thought I could drive around it and turn around.

I was wrong.

The church parking lot was PACKED. People had blocked the thru way, and immediately after pulling in, I realized I was screwed. I got out of the truck and walked to Kristen in her car behind me, her mouth a little agape. She simply said "I can't believe you pulled in here."
The thing about trailers, is they take a ton of room and goosenecks are really difficult to back up. Kristen jumped in the truck and after multiple strategies, she was finally able to get the truck and trailer out of the packed parking lot, without having to wait until the people got out of church. She was only borderline about to kill me.

So last night, Kristen picked me up at National airport at 9:40 and dropped me off at Pepper's car, which I drive most of the time. I jump in the car and turn the key..... And it's dead. Totally dead. Because I left a light on (all weekend). So I yell to Kristen that it won't start. Kristen, being the "always get the job done" master that she is, just shrugs and backs her car in front of mine. Pepper, being the "always prepared" master he is, has a fully stocked emergency kit in his car--complete with jumper cables. About 3 minutes later, we're up and running. I follow Kristen back to our place in Georgetown, until at a stoplight, the car dies again. Again, we jump it (no kind gentlemen to help--tighten up men of DC). Kristen advises me to rev the engine a little at stop lights, and I manage to get the car home OK.

In conclusion: Kristen Glover, saving my ass since January 21st, 1982.

TIghten Up Roanoke Public Library

I'll be brief. There is a electric buzz lock on the bathroom at the RPL. They make you ask the librarian to use it. Within earshot of like 8 other people the librarian responded, "should I give you a little extra time for number 2?" Don't do that anymore.

Friday morning tight nod

The video is kind of funky. The song is one of the best I've heard in a while. Top o the morning to you!

Enough with the children already!

Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) said the word children 45 times in her speech about the State Children's Health Insurance Program.
Did your speech writer take the day off? For the love of baby jesus ... the word is in the BILL... we.get.it.


Here's a sample paragraph:
" In my case, grandchildren. My children are grown. So it's not a question of that. But you who have children, god bless you, i'm jealous, you have children at home, you have health insurance for your children. The children we are trying to give this health insurance don't. They can't afford it. And by the way, over 90% of them make one-fifth of what a member of congress makes, one fifth of what a member of congress makes. So we're talking about people who are playing by the rules who are trying to get up to the middle class or sustain themselves into the middle class, we are talking about a deeply held value, an ethic that to be a great nation, we have to take care of the health of our children."

Your approval ratings are -25 % ... no bills are passing ... at least tighten up your oratory skills and set a good example... for the children.

Annoying Co-Worker Driving Me Crazy

Alright Peter, you drove me to do this.
Fucking stop playing "Big Girls Don't Cry" to piss me off. You are an asshole. I'm totally throwing you under the bus. Tighten Up and play me some Kanye.