Oh, Where Do I Begin...

Feast your eyes upon the Holy Grail of Homosexual innuendo...

This article appears on today's Drudge Report under the heading 'Granny Trapped in Closet'. Allow me to supply a few choice excepts...

"She grabbed her cats and took cover in a closet."

"I fell asleep and I woke up and I wanted to get out and I couldn't get out"

"She slipped a note under the door that read "Help, I'm trapped in the closet."

"I was just like 'oh please God let me out. I can't stand to be in here any longer."

"So I say to everybody 'keep a hammer in your closet... and be in shape."

Wow. If only Tom Cruise could be so forthcoming...

Harry Potter Ending Leaked? So Untight...

Apparently someone got a hold of the entire transcript of "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" yesterday and leaked it to the Internet. Now, I'm not a Potterite, I've never read the books, and I've only seen a few of the movies, but I'd be pretty pissed if I waited all this time wondering what would happen only to find out that, in his final climactic battle with the Dark Lord Voldemort, Harry gets disintegrated by a blast from the Death Star just before Frodo and Sam, who had previously been gaying it out in one of Hogwarts towers, drop Voldemort's wand into Mt. Doom.