07 January 2008

American Gladiators Redux: The greatest slice of americana ever created?

Phrases heard whilst watching American Gladiators tonight:

"Welcome to the Gun Show!"
"I was just thinking back to childhood, when my momma was chasing me with the belt..."
"I'm not getting wet tonight!"
"Momma, this is for you."
"Back home, in Tennessee, we had a mud wrestling contest..."
"I used to be 50 pounds heavier, but i worked really really hard to get the weight off.  Now I'm here and I'm going to show everyone what you can do when you drop the weight..."
"She fights though Helga, but Helga is big and strong..."
"All you have to do is believe in yourself"
"Let's go to the Subway reply..."
"He was a little bit slippery, but it was just like hog wrestling at the fair..."
"It's a quality edition of leg wrastlin'"
"My momma's here and she told me to make her get wet"
"Now it's time to hang tough with the men."
"You had more moves than a bowl of Jello up there!"
"I'm smelling fear, I'm smelling blood, and I'm gonna eat you."
"Ever wonder how you get a deep thigh bruise?... That's how."
"I'm agile.  Like a... like a mongoose."
"I plan to give 110%"
"I plan to give it 110%"
"I give 110%"
"2:22! You are the baddest of the bad!"
"That's a warrior.  That's an American Gladiator!"

I shit you not.  
This is the awesomest show ever.

4 comments:

The Becca said...

0 comments? I can't believe this. People, this is HUGE. We're about to see a resurgence of amazing humor regarding American Gladiators, and AG paraphernalia. I, for one, welcome these overlords of gladiatordom. We need to know what time, day and channel, please. Let's tighten this up so all of us can share in the experience.

juli said...

you don't know how much the group of people who i was watching this with has repeated most of those lines while at work this week. thanks for putting them all together.

Bodenner said...

i'm throwing a gladiator-themed party and you're all invited. come as your own character.

Pepper said...

this is an incredible piece of original research. i think they should name a new gladiator after the TUR. His name? Fist.