Tori White, Class of '10

Ed Ayers, Dean of the College of Arts & Sciences at U.Va., asked current students and alumni in an e-mail to submit their favorite places on the campus grounds. They printed responses on their website. One such response I reprint below (emphasis mine):

What I love about Grounds is the Romanesque architecture. It is very beautiful and very elegant. I believe it gives Grounds a bit of prestige that everyone loves.The white columns and brick buildings are great.I love Clark library because of the murals (despite the fact that many are naked) and the feel of the library.Brown and old dorms really carry over that U.Va. feel and romanesque look. Cocke Hall looks lovely after its renovations.I love old Cabell as well — it is just gorgeous ... Wilson could use a sprucing ... and New Cabell is way too hot.
Tori White (College ’10)

As the great Will Ferrill once asked, "Tori, are you English or retarded?" Where to begin? How about with the fact that the architecture on grounds is not Romanesque. I'm no architectualist, but even I know that U.Va.'s defining architectural style is Jeffersonian, or neo-classical, the defining feature (as Tori has at least come to realize) being red brick construction, white columns, and symmetry.

Romaneque, by contrast, features "A combination of masonry, arch and piers are the basis of the Romanesque style. The main concept for buildings was the addition of pure geometrical forms," according to the authority-on-all-things that is Wikipedia. Romaneque architecture was so named in the 18th century to refer to designs from a period spanning the 11th and 12th century in Europe. Here's a picture of a Romanesque building:



Here's a picture of the Rotunda:



Notice anything different about the two?

But, I must confess, this factual error isn't even what originally raised my ire. Tori professes to admire the murals in Clark Hall . . . except for the fact that they depict nudity. I really don't even know what to say about this. I was unable to find a picture of the offending murals, but I have to convey to you, they are beautiful. According to A&S magazine:

The murals, completed by artist Allyn Cox in 1934, chronicle the history of law. Two three-panel murals dominate the room. One shows Moses delivering the Ten Commandments; on the opposite wall Cox illustrated a scene first depicted on the shield of Achilles in Homer’s Iliad in which a group peacefully settles a dispute over a murder. Four smaller murals flank the larger pieces and echo their themes of Moral and Civil Law.

I mean, an exposed titty is one thing, but a titty in service of Justice? Why, that simply won't do. Becca, perhaps your sister could get Tori a job working for the Ashcroft legal group, since he famously covered up the giant naked statue of Justice during his tenure as Attorney General. The two obviously have a lot in common.

Or maybe she could just move to Riyadh, where she won't have to be exposed to such filth.

Tori White: tighten up!

An addendum & commendation to A&S Online - they printed Pepper's infinitely more nuanced response to the same question, which resulted in an early Tighten Up Report post. Kudos to them for airing a dissenting opinion. Very Tight, A&S.

McCain: Momentary Lapse of Campaign Stance

[via Slashdot] Apparently some of John McCain's staff don't know a lot about giving credit where credit's due. Or at least they don't know a lot about keeping their tubes clean. A MySpace page was generated for McCain using a layout template designed by Mike Davidson who says he didn't really mind the McCain camp's lack-of-nod. What he did mind, however, was the bandwidth suck the page was causing every time McCain supporters went a'clicking -- the layout was still pulling an image sitting on Davidson's servers. So Davidson thought he'd get even by, umm, altering the image a bit. It reads: "Today I announce that I have reversed my position and come out in full support of gay marriage... particularly marriage between two passionate females." Nice; wow. Internet dork-and-tomfoolery at its best. Davidson calls it an "immaculate hack".

Tighten up, McCain staffers! Y'all should know better! And while Davidson could seriously get into some hot water for stunts like this, he certainly made his point. Way to keep folks on their toes.

Let this be a lesson for all to tighten shit up and cut the hot-linking.

Her Majesty's Royal Whaaaaaa?

The British Navy needs to tighten its shit up. I think we all know why. The Navy that dominated the world a few hundred years ago is now accidentally driving off course and getting arrested by Iran. Come on...

I need to tighten up big time!

While discussing a date yesterday, I, Peter Sulick, stated, "Yea, I bagged her." I was not joking; I actually said it in earnest. I need to tighten my shit up and apologize to all the ladies out there. Sorry...

UVA BBall

The University of Virginia Cavaliers need to tighten their shit up. Their mediocre play against Tennessee just cost me first place in my NCAA pool. Effing 'hoos.

Dylan Hears a Who!

A collective Tighten Up! goes to all of us for not being able to figure out what's really going on with Dylan Hears a Who!, evidently a spoof album featuring a highly Dylanesque singer [or Dylan himself, in a stunning coup against even the most dedicated Robert Allen Zimmerman expert?] setting 7 Dr. Seuss classics to epic Dylanian arrangements. Whatever its true nature, the music is not to be missed.

I'm pretty sure the Suess hat is photoshopped, but it's going in iTunes under 'Bob Dylan' anyway...right?

What did I say?!!?!??

No dressing up if you're over the age of 12. It goes for the president, and it goes for you especially, Peter Pan Pixie Man.

God, what a sick freak. I can fly? Well you can tighten your shit up!

This pederast's website links to a company that makes baby clothes for adults. Whatever people do in the privacy of their own homes is none of my business, but ForeverAKid.com: this is sick. Tighten up.

Miscellaneous tightenings in order:

Blogger: you say I can sign in with my Gmail account information and you will remember it. Well, you never do. That's bullshit. Tighten your shit up.

Jos A. Bank tailor: I was very clear that I brought my pants in to have the hem finished, not to have excess fabric taken out of the seat of my pants. Get your hands out of my ass crack and put that chalky thing down. And when I say I want a slight break, don't tell me that a full break is better. It's not. Get tight or I will give you a full break.

Rebecca's boyfriend's car: I don't care if you are a 1983 VW hatchback - that's no excuse for your clutch to break while crusing down M Street in Georgetown. The mechanic says it's a faulty belt. Transmission belt: tighten up.

Self: You're talking to a car like it's a person. Get a hold of yourself and tighten up.

$1,000 Pizza

Nino Selimaj, owner of the various Nino's restaurants in NYC, has introduced a $1,000 pizza. That's right $1,000. The small personal pie comes with caviar, roe, lobster tail, and several rare spices. The tighten up goes the stupid ass that I know is going to actually buy one of these. Who ever you are, where ever you are, tighten your shit up! That $1,000 is not going to impress the girl your with jackass. The good news? The water is always free at Nino's...

Lots of tightness today

1) The most unlikely place to ever find tightness--The Weekly Standard--pleasantly surprised me today when I came across a recent issue and noticed its cover story entitled, "Civilization and Its Contents." For all you non-geeks out there, Civilization is the most addictive computer strategy game ever created. I squandered many a sleepless night between semesters crushing other kingdoms with my might and bending their peasants to my will (ie, not getting laid).

The article is fairly bland, and the writer manages to weave in a subtle diatribe against atheism, but the Standard certainly deserves a tightness nod for the coverage. (And Civilization definitely deserves a bonus nod for attracting the fandom of the Fresh Prince.)

2) Has anyone else noticed that you can double-click words in the NYT and get a pop-up definition? Friggin' tight!

3) King County--which encompasses my brother's city of Seattle--just changed its official logo from one representing a slave-holding vice president to one of MLK.



I know he preached nonviolence and all, but I would not want to cross that bad mofo. (Anybody else see the resemblance?)

Note to self

A few weeks back I ordered Washingtonians at large to tighten their shit up and stop dropping gloves on the ground.

Well, two nights ago I went to the Wizards-Raptors game, and asked Mollie to put my gloves in her coat pocket for the duration of the game (I was wearing a coat with very shallow pockets). At the end of the game as we were leaving our seats, I asked for my gloves. She could only produce one of them. After several minutes of poking my head under the Verizon Center's seats, I conclude the glove was lost forever.

While you could (and should) argue that Mollie should have held on to my gloves, the fact remains that the gloves were mine, and thus I am both a hypocrite and in need of a good strong tightening up.

The Justice Department scandal

Paul Krugman (behind the NY Times firewall) provides the latest details:

Donald Shields and John Cragan, two professors of communication, have compiled a database of investigations and/or indictments of candidates and elected officials by U.S. attorneys since the Bush administration came to power. Of the 375 cases they identified, 10 involved independents, 67 involved Republicans, and 298 involved Democrats. The main source of this partisan tilt was a huge disparity in investigations of local politicians, in which Democrats were seven times as likely as Republicans to face Justice Department scrutiny.

Krugman goes on to say that Karl Rove is probably behind this, as he has a history of using phony prosecution against Democrats during election cycles.

How can this be? How could the Bush Administration have allowed 67 Republican to be prosecuted during the last six years? I thought these guys were supposed to be cutthroat political partisans who will bend every institution of government to support their political agenda. And yet here we have 67 potential congressman, columnists, and direct-mailing gurus cut down in the infancy of their political careers, all because of some notion of blind justice? Why isn't this tally 365 Democrats, 10 Independants, and NO Republicans prosecuted?

Come on, BushCo.: tighten up, you bunch of pussies.

(h/t the Daily Dish)

Newt Gingrich AND/OR the GOP - tighten it up - together or separately

from today's AP
Gingrich Admits Extramarital Affair During Clinton Impeachment

from yesterday's CQ (for those of you who don't live in Our Nation's Capitol - that stands for "Congressional Quarterly"
GOP Knew Of Walter Reed Problems While In Control Of Congress

Tightness Hath Come to Towne...

I just wanted to share my excitement for a totally rad band that is visiting from no place other than the People's Republic of China. Rebuilding the Rights of Statues are a post-punk band from Beijing. Check out their song "Hang the Police." They are in the US for South by Southwest and will be playing at Southpaw on Friday night. I found their show highly engaging and, needless to say in this context, tight.

Scooter Libby - Tighten Up

'nuff said.

On a seperate note, the chipped red nail polish was part of my overall aesthetic.
Rage against the glossiness and over-grooming that plagues our society today!
Stop plucking and waxing, stop polishing, and start living
oh, and LOOSEN UP!

"Bagels & Buses": Not Appealing

I went to the University of Virginia. That makes me alum. Cool. That also means I get emails from the Alumni Association regardless of whether or not I am technically a member (sorry, guys, but until I'm making a 6-figure salary, I'd rather you not hit me up for money every time I open my mailbox).

Yesterday, I received an email about an upcoming event surrounding this Spring's Foxfield Races called "Bagels & Buses". For $55, you get a Bodo's Bagels breakfast, validated parking ticket, Foxfield's admission and bus ride to and from the races. If you've never heard of Foxfield's, to give you an idea, a local police officer was overheard referring to it as "Drunkfest". So, add a few popped-collars and sun dresses (read, "fratties and sororities") to whatever your idea of drunkfest is, and you've pretty much got it. Or, maybe you don't. I've never actually been to Foxfield's so I'm not an authority on the matter. But this post isn't about Foxfield's. It's about this picture. The picture they are using to promote this "Bagels & Buses" event.

One, that is not a University Transit Service bus. Two, that is the most unappetizing looking bagel I've ever seen; it certainly isn't a Bodo's Bagel because we all know Bodo's has about the tastiest bagel south of the Mason-Dixon. Both of these points make me wonder if the folks who put together this event even went to UVa or live in the state of Virginia for that matter. Oh, and that's the worst Photoshopping I've ever seen. But besides all of that, why would anyone in their right mind call an event "Bagels and Buses" or create an image of a bus going through a bagel to promote it?!?! Nothing says "delicious" like rubber, flour and axle grease.

University of Virginia Alumni Association, tighten up! Stop half-assing disgusting Photoshop images and over-charging for events.

I Wish CitiKitty Had Tightened Up Before I Spent $29 On Their Product

CitiKitty is a company that markets a unique toilet-training device for cats. It's basically a toilet seat-shaped litter box that fastens onto your toilet bowl, but it has a series of widening concentric circles that you gradually remove, until the cat, before he knows it, is simply dropping his waste directly into the toilet bowl not unlike a human.

It's rather brilliant, and for only $29, this 5-week training program can be yours.

Where I take umbrage, however, is with CitiKitty's official position that "your cat will naturally use the CitiKitty Training Seat as it's new litter box [sic]."

Really? Then perhaps that explains why I've been waking up to a steaming pile of poo in my bathroom sink for each of the past 14 days. My cat is not using the CitiKitty Training Seat as his new litter box, and unless I do something about it, there's no reason to believe he ever will. They sell me this product that's supposed to make my life easier - instead, quite to the contrary, I wake every morning to a horrific and malodorous mess.

Interesting fact relating to all this, by the way.. one of the leading pioneers of this concept of training cats to use the toilet was none other than jazz legend Charles Mingus.

Shanaynay in '08

Nobody really needs to tighten up here--I just thought this was funny.

No, no, wait...John Mayer, dump Jessica Simpson and make a real album. You went to Berklee and you know better; tighten that shit up.

Attention Best Buy: Tighten Up

In a perfect world, I would fulfill all my CD/DVD purchasing needs from local, independent shops from sellers who actually care about their customers and their needs. However, as I'm sure many of us can admit, when the need arises for a movie or any other consumer electronic gadget under the sun, Best Buy is the go-to mega-retailer that for me, has usually been pretty reliable... until now.

After receiving Season 1 of Prison Break on DVD as a gift shortly after the holidays, I was pretty fired up to plop down on my couch and see what all the hype was about. When I finally had a chance to unwrap the plastic on the set and pop it into my DVD player, I immediately discovered that where I should have found my disc 1, I had an extra disc 6. Peculiar, I thought. It certainly makes sense that this type of packaging error could occur, but how often, and what are the chances I'd end up with a bum disc set?

Anyway, I didn't worry at all about taking it back to Best Buy -- still w/ original plastic mostly intact and "Best Buy" tag on top -- where I'd tell them what happened and they'd simply give me a new DVD in exchange for my defective one, no questions asked.

However, when I was at the store yesterday, I was dumbfounded at the lack of service I received from the Customer Service desk. Now, I hate to get mad at the employee reciting the "receipt-only, within 30 days, no exceptions, period" policy back to me, because I know she has no authority to bend the rules, but when I talk to a manager and they repeat the same old script, even pointing a finger up at the giant Return Policy board as if I can't read, I become furious.

Let me first say that I've worked in retail before, and at my current job I deal with client questions and problems on a daily basis -- essentially as a glamorized customer service representative -- so I understand the importance of policies and rules and why they exist. On the other hand, I also know that the backbone of any business is customer service (American Express and Patagonia are two of my favorite examples, also see previous case-study of Shure), and any company that hopes to sustain itself has to know when to make exceptions to inflexible rules.

Not only was Best Buy completely unyielding, but what pissed me off the most was that they weren't even willing to sympathize with me (I have two disc sixes! No disc one!) or offer an alternative solution.

Fine. It was a gift. I had no receipt. It had been more than 30 days. But for God's sake, Best Buy, you sold me the wrong product and you need to take responsibility for that, no matter what the circumstance.

In other words, Best Buy is basically telling me that if someone buys me a CD for my birthday, and I open it and there's nothing inside, they don't give a shit. Assholes.

Best Buy, take note: Tighten up your shit or lose my business forever.

And now, a plea: Anyone have Prison Break Season 1 Disc 1? Thanks.

Further evidence

So, I got some blow back from some of your regarding "Elizabeth Glover needs to tighten up". But today, while laughing my ass off at The Superficial, I came upon further evidence that "beat to shit" red fingernail polish is equated with CokeWhoredom. 'Nuff said.

So I reiterate: Elizabeth Glover, Tighten up!

62% of Americans tightening up?

The New York Times seems to think so:

A majority of Americans say the federal government should guarantee health insurance to every American, especially children, and are willing to pay higher taxes to do it, according to the latest New York Times/CBS News poll.