Howard the Dick

The day after Sen. Barack Obama announced his candidacy for president, Australian Platypus-in-Chief John Howard railed against Obama and his opposition to the war in Iraq.

"If I were running al Qaeda in Iraq [and not an irrelevant country founded by convicts]," driveled Howard, "I would put a circle around March 2008 and be praying as many times as possible for a victory, not only for Obama but also for the Democrats."

In response, Obama spokesman Robert Gibbs said:

"If Prime Minister Howard truly believes what he says, perhaps his country should find its way to contribute more than just 1,400 troops [most of whom serve in non-combat roles] so some American troops can come home. It's easy to talk tough when it's not your country or your troops making the sacrifices."

Gibbs added, "Mr. Howard needs to tighten up or shut up."