Speaking of mascots,

What numbskull(s) thought up "Earl and Pearl"?!?

I ponder this every time I sip Ovaltine from this pearly-white plastic cup, and then I realized it deserved a new kind of crack-down: The Nostalgic TU. Anthropomorphized male and female squirrels never add up to even the most mediocre idea for a mascot, unless it involves an amazingly funny joke about busting and/or cracking nuts, but even that's a stretch.

To our Third Year Council of yore, a way overdue tighten up! Future Third-Year Councils, please don't disappoint your constituents or you will be fucking stupefied by all the TUs.

I need to learn how to drink....

Those of you who know me are aware that I will not win any "Champion Drinker" awards. Ever since Spring Break 2002, I have been a dedicated yakker and light weight extraordinaire. However, I'm getting to the point in life where I need to do one of two things; either learn how to drink or stop drinking entirely. I came to this realization after downloading my party photos to flickr.

This photo proves my point that after 3 strong drinks I'm ready for the nearest toilet/plastic bag. I would like to add that I didn't actually yakk on friday night. Instead, I did 90 jumping jacks and ate an ice cream sandwich before hitting the hay. Apparently, it helps me make it through the night.

So I need to Tighten Up, and either quit drinking or learn how to hold my liquor.

P.S. Rachel, Erin and Jackie, that was still a great party!

A letter from, and response to, Cavman.

Vote for Cavman in the
All-American Mascot Challenge

Dear Virginia Graduate,

I, Cavman, have been selected as one of 12 finalists in this year's CapitalOne All-American Mascot Challenge and I need your help. Each week throughout the football season, Cavman will compete against a mascot from another school. The winner each week is based solely on fan voting. You will be able to vote daily and you must vote for each mascot match-up for your vote to count. Click below to vote for Cavman vs. Akron's Zippy.

Vote Now

Thank you and Go `Hoos!

Cavman

Copyright © 2007

U.Va. Alumni Association
434-243-9000 | alumni-assoc@virginia.edu
P.O. Box 400314, Charlottesville, VA 22904-4314
____________________________________

Dear Cavman,

No.

Kind Regards,
Board of Directors
The Tighten Up Report

Washington's 50 Most Powerful slighty more than 50% fun

Thank you Washingtonian for calling GQ out on its BS. Apparently, GQ took our advice and hosted the party at Cafe Milano. Unfortunately, Cafe Milano ignored the coolest trend in Harlem and forgot to turn on the AC.

So let's recap:

Washingtonian--tight
GQ--not so tight

Cafe Milano--two months tightness watch

DC's 50 most powerful--only slightly tighter than average.

On air-conditioning the city

Walking South on Amsterdam Avenue/115th Street, New York City, 8:30 pm: Matthew and I walk by the Columbia Law School annex building on the way to drink beer and eat wings. The front door is wide open, and the air conditioner is set to -3,000 degrees Fahrenheit. At 20' away, we are blasted with a refreshing current of air. It's pretty awesome.

Walking North on Amsterdam Avenue/115th Street, 20 wings and an inordinate amount of PBRs later: Matthew and I walk by the Columbia Law School annex building on the way home. The front door is wide open, and the air conditioner is set to -3,000 degrees Fahrenheit. At 20' away, we are blasted with a refreshing current of air. It's pretty awesome. ridiculous how much energy the fat cats at Columbia just wasted in making certain that the passing street rats are comfortable on a humid night.

Hey legal eagles, it doesn't matter how tight your weather stripping is when the fucking front door is open.

Mailbox attack Friday!

Bodenner, your mailbox needs to tighten up.

BOO YA!

TIIIIGHT!!!

Through begging, pleading, and doing some things in Chelsea I'm not proud of, I was able to score a ticket to the Thom Browne off-tent fashion show this year. For all of you less fabulous people, off-tent is a term for an independent show not affiliated with the Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week, therefore not in the Bryant Park tent. The show was amazing, but I forgot my camera so the best I can give you is an image I stole from Racked. I particularly liked the plaid shorts combined with suit jackets. It's actually wearable, unlike most of the stuff Browne shows (i.e. mini skirts for men combined with the above short sleeve suit jackets... yikes). As always, Browne's fashion is just a touch too out there for me, but as his inspiration trickles across the rest of the men's clothing market and gets toned down, the results are just right.

Saab driver says, "Curbs need lovin', too."

Walking by they Jefferson-Madison Regional Library yesterday evening, I spotted this genius parking job.
































Man, I hope this jerk-face got a ticket. I mean, it's pretty obvious you should give that parallel job another shot when both of your tires are up on the curb. I know you're in a hurry to get those 12 cassettes of Deathly Hollows, but seriously, calm the f*ck down . . . .

Dear Abunda Life Church,

You also need to calm the fuck down. I first saw you near the beach in Asbury Park, New Jersey because you were next to the closest parking. That you manage to occupy an otherwise handsome and enormous building along an up-and-coming strip of the Jersey Shore is either an indication that property values there are lower than I expect, or, more likely, that you're hauling in more dough than any of us realizes and have not yet been displaced by a legitimate enterprise. Who knows, maybe Asbury Park has zoned this area "Cu-1" for "Cult and related uses" and has provided generous incentives for you to locate there, or maybe you're just perpetrating a ridiculous fraud on the world by construing the word of Robert H. Sorge--complete with boot camp, foot detox bath, and infrared ozone sauna--as anything other than the modern inheritor of the tradition of snake oil salesmen and carnival peddlers.

Abunda Life, you aren't a church, you aren't a healer, and you certainly aren't a military outfit. Your purveyance of psuedoscience-as-religion disgusts me, and the fact that your entryway looks like a ticket booth doesn't help matters. You'd better tighten up soon, or, I'd imagine, the IRS will do it for you.

Want to learn more? There's a website!
http://www.abundalife.com/

And don't miss out on the bootcamp!
http://www.abundalife.com/clinicalservices/bootcamp.asp

Becca,

...calm the fuck down, seriously.