Rolling Stone Runs Out of Music, Turns Tabloid

Why else would they follow they likes of People, In Touch, and The Other Cheap Thrills Weekly in covering the (admittedly messy) time Britney Spears has had on this here planet. It must be that the history of rock music is over. It's probably Radiohead's fault, but that's neither here nor there. The point is: no more rock music. SAD! What are we going to do now? If only someone could come along and save the sinking ship of sorrow that is my soul right now. Someone doe-eyed with a curiously husky voice and a talent for staring off into the distance in an emotionally intelligent way...if only we could all band together and wish really hard for someone like that. Come on guys. Could we? Can we? YES WE CAN.