Warning: This garment may attract killer birds

The Michael Kors look is often described as classic. The stuff of yesterday's MK runway, though, was more Turner Classic Movies than timeless chic. The outfits screamed Tippy Hedren so loudly that I'm half shocked to learn that the tents were not infact torn asunder by homicidal pigeons, falcons, and other blood-thirsty fowl a la Hithcock's 1963 oeuvre The Birds. I'm not saying I wanted to see something like that happen in there. It just would have been fitting, given the profusion of tweeds, pencil skirts, fur collars, cinched waists, browns, mustards, lilacs, muted greens, and paternalistic mid-century ideals of soul crushingly repressive gender roles. Basically, the slide show I was looking at was really missing something in terms of accessories. I think I know what it is: