30 June 2007
While I understand the folks at Guad are trying to keep patrons from getting their cars towed, I think somebody should alert the staff that it's never a good idea to put skull-and-crossbones iconography or the words "DANGER" and "STOP" on a dining table. They could consider adding these messages to their jumbo margaritas, however.
PS- Seth MacFarlane of Family Guy is the voice of the emperor.
29 June 2007
28 June 2007
Stitch This: They've been at it for a few catalogs now, but J.Crew's monogram option on their cashmere sweaters is pretty tight. You know, if you're into that sort of thing *coughpeppercoughcough*....I wonder if Nigella & Co. get theirs done.
One for the girls: If I could engage in some time travel right now, I'd go straight back to the dark days of 1998 and tell my angry/confused high school sophomore self to discover eyebrow waxing, yes, but also to HOLD ON because the Spice Girls will one day get back together and it's going to be zig-a-zig- AWESOME.
Speaking of awesome: The best use of Flash ever ever. Seriously.
My high school mascot is in the final four four for best high school mascot in Texas. His name is Mr. Maroo. He is difficult to explain, but basically he is an anthropomorphized poof ball with a beanie and huge eye balls. This is a matter of extreme pride for my high school; we will likely never actually get to the finals in Texas 5A football, so we would appreciate your support. As a side note, this mascot danced around the field featured in "Dazed and Confused" that served as one of our "home venues." No, this is not a joke. What could be more tight that walking poof balls?
26 June 2007
25 June 2007
...but if you're going to toss around the names of loaded social policies like "urban renewal", you'd best have something else to offer besides precocious, overpriced outfits and mildly clever word play. Urban renewal was a desperate policy born of 1960s domestic political turmoil that resulted in the somewhat arbitrary destruction of buildings and communities all across America's troubled cities. I'm not saying it was all bad, but the policy's history is spotty, to say the least. Your average Urban Outfitters shopper wouldn't know Jane Jacobs from Jane Austen, but they'll probably buy a kicky little green tunic because they're unwittingly enchanted by the pale wordsmithery peddled by Urban Outfitters' Santorum-supporting president.
Hypocrisy alert #1: I love Anthropologie, which is part of the Urban Outfitters Inc. triumvarate (the third is Free People) and would probably marry it if I could. But I'm not really proud of that and in fact feel kind of manipulated/drugged by its aesthetic which is kind of weird given the whole "I'm such an individual, look at my funky style" thing. Hm.
Hypocrisy alert #2: As the editor of an urban planning magazine called - simply - URBAN, I fall victim to urban-related word play (including the one in question) on a daily basis when writing mag-related emails. But, you know, that's TOTALLY DIFFERENT.
It pleases me that Pearson has not only been humiliated publicly (he began crying on the witness stand), but his job is also in danger: I believe it is right that a man whose profession is to dispense justice should be recalled from the bench when he has so manifestly demonstrated his unfitness for the position.
Way to be tight, Judge Bartnoff.
22 June 2007
Rummy's mercifully been canned but still sailing on his yacht free from care like the megalomaniac Ahab figure he's always wanted to be, Cheney is pouting on Sunday mornings when he isn't threatening Iran (these guys love air craft carriers) from an air craft carrier, Al Gonzo is suffering from Can't Remember Shizzle, and Bush's record low approval ratings are explained away by some sort of hallucanagenic conservative think tank shroomscapade that he will be vindicated a la Prez Truman.
Miserable Failures All. The last thing they can do to save any semblance of face is to SHUT DOWN GITMO. Not "sometime in the future" as today's AP story reports. Now.
"Ms. Perino, the White House spokeswoman, noted today that the United States plans to release about 80 of the detainees soon. “America does not have any intention of being the world’s jailer,” she said."
Ok, we just want to jail at least a quarter or more of our own poor people.
At least Gates has the balls to make this an issue. Will they tighten up finally this weekend? Discuss!
Well now there is a proactive way to defend yourself from the snowjob by seeing just how tight (scientifically speaking) your visage is to that of Holly and Bollywood's finest.
21 June 2007
Thanks for letting us tell the world to Tighten Up, and for free no less! But seriously, tighten up some of your functionality.
1 Allow html in comments
2 Allow reply strings/threatds in comments (as on vimeo)
3 Allow a display of posts by author (you already to it with tags anyway).
4 Increase the usefulness of author profiles (which you know damned well nobody looks at) by allowing html and linking.
...and about a thousand other things that I haven't thought of yet.
I wanted to post this picture of the Michelin man as a comment in response to Orville's Newt Gingrich post, but I couldn't do it (you can do it on Flickr).
Seriously, prove you're owned by Google and make this thing run like a Swiss watch.
The Tightness Advisory Board
20 June 2007
Jeff Tweedy, et al., I'm going to see you in concert tomorrow, and while it's unreasonable to ask you to skip these latest songs altogether in favor of your excellent back catalog, if you're going to perform a few tracks from Sky Blue Sky, could you at least tighten them up and breathe a little life into them? Thanks.
As an aside to all our readers not from the US, Texans are totally crazy and the only reason I am posting this is because I am far too afraid to say something like this to a real live Texan. Seriously, they are nuts. Oh, and they're armed. Crazy and armed. Don't say I didn't warn you. Aside from that Austin really is a fun place to visit...
19 June 2007
Uncle Sam, Tighten UP
The New York Times published an article today explaining recent developments in the story of modernist architect (and designer of NYC's Whitney Museum) Marcel Breuer's only skyscraper, the Cleveland Trust Tower in Boston. The city of Boston has purchased the building and plans to demolish it and construct in its place a 15-story building at a cost of $223M (retrofitting the existing 29-story tower would cost $185-$200M, a significant savings for taxpayers). Along with Walter Gropius (founder of the Bauhaus school), Ludwig Mies Van der Rohe, and Le Corbusier, Breuer was a founding architect of the modernist movement, and a designer of tremendous skill and distinction.
It goes nearly without saying that I think the building is worth preserving and retrofitting for both cultural and financial reasons, but Julie Baker, a commercial banker quoted by the Times, disagrees: "That thing looks like a collector’s case for Matchbox cars...If I could get a wrecking ball, I’d tear it down myself.”
Wow, thanks for your opinion, Julie! If I had some brass knuckles, I'd punch you in the face. I don't give a damn what you think, you unconsidered savage. I bet if your thinking was so short-sighted at that fancy commercial bank of yours, they'd have fired you last week. Regardless of what you think, the building has a singular meaning for the city of Boston and for the architectural community, and the vicissitudes of your taste are a minuscule irrelevance compared to it. Also, it's great of you to consider the waste of material and embedded energy produced by demolishing a building that large...I guess it's just like throwing away a paper towel you used to dry your hands, right? Thank you, though, for participating in the now well-worn cycle of judgment that so often underappreciates an artist in his or her own time or soon thereafter, resulting frequently in the destruction or mistreatment of what time almost inevitably accords--especially in the case of otherwise celebrated creators--widespread acceptance, AND, gasp!, sometimes even appreciation.
So, numskull, how 'bout you tighten up that loose cannon mouth of yours and consider the dialog occurring between the tower and the adjacent Beaux-Arts rotunda -- you might put your brain to good use.
18 June 2007
What a marvelous revelation! -- and one speculated by the Columbia University Historic Preservation Studio of 2006 (which published it, along with a fine historical-architectural perspective on Union Square and 14th Street, HERE!).
I can't really tell the Times to tighten up since we weren't able to check under the brick ourselves last year (so Dunlap is reporting legitimate news), but by God we wanted to!
From the National Priorities Project. As of this posting, this amount equals approximately 4 million public housing units, the cost of enrolling 57 million children in project head start, etc. etc. Instead, we (our tax dollars, people) pay for a war of choice without end. Tighten up and re-prioritize, EE UU.
15 June 2007
The writing is a bit hard to make out, due to the setting sun and the general crappiness of the camera phone, but it says:
Getting' groovySisley, a subsidiary of the United Colors of Benetton, is generally to be praised for its clothing offerings. However, they are worthy of nothing but scorn in matters of punctuation.
S I S L E Y
Sisley, let me 'splain you something (note that I didn't write 'explain): You can be getting groovy, you can be gettin' groovy (the preferable instruction), but you cannot ever be "getting' groovy," for the absurd combination of "g" and apostrophe precludes grooviness. While on the subject, when did "groovy" become an acceptable usage again? Do people suddenly have an unarticulated, market research-identified wish to be groovy? Sisley: tighten up.
Elsewhere in temporal laxity, on my walk home from work today, I caught the following headlines out the corner of my eye:
Oh god! Governor Corzine got in another accident!!! How will his still-mending bones handle the trauma? And look--CBS, in an act of pure malice, has fired Don Imus again!
Could it be that the Inquirer newsroom is suffering some kind of "Groundhog Day" like recurrence where they are stuck in mid-April while the rest of us move on in time? Perhaps, owing to contraction in the news business, the Philadelphia daily has taken to distributing their paper outside their core market using horse and buggy?
Whatever the cause, you have to love the juxtaposition of a two-month old paper above the slogan, "Best to read it every day."
Philadelphia Inquirer: get with the times and tighten up!
File Under: Stuff that doesn't matter but makes the front page anyway, i.e. demands immediate tightening
You are so amazing. Thanks to the 292839842 articles I read this morning about your amazing $26 dollar black velvet vintage dress, I feel so much closer to you. It turns out you love a bargain, just like the rest of us cash-strapped pleebs! I think I speak for all of us workaday city girls when I say, "Thank you." Thank you for your spunky creativity, your unabashed outfit-making moxie. Thank you for making it ok to wear something that costs the same as Madox's favorite brand of fancy Scandinavian sparkling water. You're one of us, Angie! And don't worry - I don't resent those $800 Christain Louboutin peep-toe heels. They just make me want to work HARDER to be as AMAZING as you! Because you're so amazing!
14 June 2007
Like I said, terrified. An online date service is one thing: people have profiles, it's not impossibly dissimilar from a social networking website. This, on the other hand, is like hiring a private eye to stalk a date for you:Really? Maybe for a headhunter. "God, I can remember when I recruited, screened, and interviewed my wife. It was so romantic. She was wearing a conservative gray suit and sassy silk scarf. It said, 'I have personality, but not too much. I'll bear your children, and put in overtime on the weekends.'"
MLP, tighten up for existing in the first place; the rest of us need to tighten up for tolerating this nonsense.
13 June 2007
And thusly was I informed that this finest of quality raw snack of the gods is a:
"Snak" club, indeed. Look at all the members! If this really were Wonderland, I'd be at a surreal WTO tea party. I imagine the whole thing taking place at headquarters in Geneva, starring the Gollum-like Pascal Lamy as the mad hatter, pouring a bottle of beaujolais down his throat as his confused trading partners try to figure out which nuts came from which country. Globalization rocks! Somebody needs to tighten up...I just...don't know...who. Zut alors!
I find it funny that the sign for the restrooms at the [Charlottesville] Downtown Transit Station is the same size as the sign which announces the purpose of the entire building. I mean, the little male and female icons do the trick just fine. That planning committee needs to tighten up!
12 June 2007
11 June 2007
I'm talkin' about tightening up, bitches.
On the other hand, anyone charged with such an offense who hires a defense lawyer named "B.J." is all right by me and welcome to marry my sister any day.
B.J. Bernstein, the attorney in question:
10 June 2007
At the 157th Annual Upperville Colt and Horse Show, Becca decided to open a bottle of warm champagne. Having forgotten the tenets of physics that would have suggested to her that the contents of the bottle were unusually pressurized due to the heat, she indiscriminately shot the cork out of the bottle in a northernly direction, whereupon the champagne poured out all over her.
The plot thickened when she began to clean herself up because she had applied a new faux-tan product just hours before. The tanner washed off in the champagne shower, leaving her legs streaked. Becca, better tighten that up.
09 June 2007
History, tighten your shit up. How many other cool things have you let slip through your fingers like Governor Tarkin's star systems (Star Wars reference...get over it)? I want a 100 word essay on how untaught you have been on my desk on Monday.
06 June 2007
I write in the vain hope that this humble entry might serve as the first step of a long programme of repentance for my outrageous and unforgivable dereliction of duty, in not posting even one bite of content to this blog since well before the beginning of spring. I should have been booted from this blog long ago, and if my name has survived on the roster until now, it's only thanks to the boundless Tightness of certain powers that be, whom I thank for their mercy and understanding.
I do, however, bring tidings of an altogether different and more sordid nature. There is something profoundly Not Tight going on, and it's happening right here in Brooklyn; what is worst, it concerns something that I personally take rather seriously, by which I mean Steak. That is, in short:
Peter Luger needs to tighten up.
For those who don't know, Peter Luger's Steak House is one of the most famous steak houses in New York. It has been rated New York's Number One steak house for 23 years straight by Zagat's guide, which had this to say about it:
Nothing compares to this grand high poobah of steakdom, a Williamsburg temple of testosterone that's... right on the money when it comes to the best steak in the known world.The most expensive steak in the known world? Quite possibly. The best steak in the known world? Methinks the lady doth protest too much, unless the known world happens to exclude my own kitchen. In the first place, contrary to Mr. Luger's preferred method, melted butter should not be applied to steak as, say, water to a burning building. It's just not necessary, and treating it so is an injustice to the quality of meat that he serves. The butter is in fact so over-abundant that it utterly drowns any kind of "steak juices" or "drippings" that one would hope to find on the plate, with which to douse one's steak and fries. That shit ain't tight, yo.
Second, steak sauce should not be (or taste indistinguishable from) a 1:1 combination of shrimp cocktail sauce and barbeque sauce. Admittedly, this statement comes from someone who thinks steak sauce in itself is a bit of an abomination, but the point is that when I'm paying $40 for steak I expect to find an unimpeachable standard of quality in every nook and cranny of the experience.
Look, Peter Luger serves a nice piece of meat. It would be outrageous to describe his food as anything less than very good. Is it worth the price he commands? I would say a whole lot of tightening up has to take place before I can answer that question in the affirmative.
05 June 2007
Wow. I'm pretty sure I had a similar design on the shirt I wore to my first day of 1st grade. It's being called the "Oh no" logo because of public backlash. While some of the other submissions aren't that great, they're all a million times better than the winner. To be honest, I wish this submission had won. I mean, come on, London: it's [for] 2012!! You can do better than that.