In anticipation, I made the attempt to get out my driver's license. No dice. According to USPS policy, only signed credit cards can be used. I tried to explain how photo identification was a much higher standard than a randomly scrawled signature. The gentleman was immune to reason.
Q: Can I just sign the card now?
Q: Could I leave, sign the card and come back?
Q: Isn't my signature on my license?
Q: Does that count?
Q: Wouldn't I be the most meticulous, awesomely prepared criminal if I stole a random individual's credit card and then subsequently changed every form of identification in my entire wallet?
A: Bud, thems the rules, I just work here.
Q: Hypothetically speaking, if this credit card is stolen, don't you think you have fulfilled your duty by asking for extra identification?
Q: If this thing is stolen don't you think I would be like LOADING UP on sweet ass "Year of the Rat" stamps.
Q: Or some FOX SUPREME Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings (with lickable adhesive, please)
Look at her, she is like RIDICULOUSLY super rabid foxy and she is going to fucking DEVOUR that deer.
I'd be buying ALL OF THOSE if this credit card was stolen.
A: This part of the conversation never happened.
And then a wolf jumped on the counter and howled really spooky. But then there was a bunch of smoke and the wolf was a dracula. Yipes!
Look out wolf dracula! You're no match for Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings.
Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings beat the shit out of wolfy dracula in like 2 SECONDS and then we frenched but wolfy dracula was made of dynamite and everything exploded.