04 October 2007

On Shallow Sophisticates

Plucked from a string of email forwards, this Craigslist interchange is too hilarious not to post.

I daresay both interlocutors have some tightening to do.


Reply to: pers-431649184 [at] craigslist.org
Date: 2007-09-25, 11:07AM EDT

What am I doing wrong? Okay, I'm tired of beating around the bush. I'm a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I'm articulate and classy. I'm not from New York. I'm looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don't think I'm overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around 200 - 250. But that's where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won't get me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she's not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?

Here are my questions specifically:

-Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars, restaurants, gyms

-What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won't hurt my feelings

-Is there an age range I should be targeting (I'm 25)?

-Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side so plain? I've seen really 'plain jane' boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I've seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What's the story there?

-Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows

-lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?

-How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY Please hold your insults - I'm putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I'm being up front about it. I wouldn't be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn't able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.

A reply:

Dear Pers-431649184:

I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfullyabout your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament.Firstly, I'm not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here's how I see it.

Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple acrappy business deal. Here's why. Cutting through all the B.S., what yousuggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bringmy money. Fine, simple. But here's the rub, your looks will fade and mymoney will likely continue into perpetuity...in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won'tbe getting any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earningasset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain, you're 25 now and will likely stay prettyhot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins inearnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!

So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold...hence the rub...marriage. It doesn't make good business senseto "buy you" (which is what you're asking) so I'd rather lease. In caseyou think I'm being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It'sas simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.

Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as "articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful"as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard tobelieve that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn't found you, if not only for a tryout.

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and thenwe wouldn't need to have this difficult conversation.

With all that said, I must say you're going about it the right way. I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort oflease, let me know.


Brenda Starr said...

Dear Candidates for Natural Selection,
Please, for the sake of the rest of humanity, if you find each other do not breed.
The human gene pool is already so dilluted and your off spring would assuredly be lower the already

Brenda Starr said...

low bar ... damn it I wasn't ready to post yet! Now this looks dumb ... hell.

Pete said...

I love the guy's response. He needs to get out of the office more...

Anonymous said...

Interesting that the arrogant, self-proclaimed financial genius can't keep his grammar or words straight (e.g., "prospective" instead of "perspective," among several mots injustes...)

I doubt he's an earning asset with that combination of misogyny, arrogance, and idiocy. And I bet he's small.