Concerned Basset Owners for Tightness

I'm typing this post with one hand covering my mouth because the idea of (hand is off mouth now, typing becoming too slow) someone taking an ax to a basset hound's head as a way of dealing with the said basset's barking is disgusting. It also leads to the asking of those rhetorical questions ("But who would..."/"What kind of person..."/"How can you...") that inevitably leave one with an exhausted, negative attitude vis-a-vis one's fellow humans. Because, seriously: how untight do you have to be?