Dear Sir that shares my bedroom wall,
I respectfully request that you no longer update me on your relationship status by way of screaming death threats at someone. If its that important, say it on Facebook.
Also, while I am sure that you have quit your day job to pursue that voice of yours, I do not think the public is hoping for males singing Beyonce. And I am sure that the show you're watching is funny, but please stop pretending that you are Jack Nicholson's version of The Joker.
And finally, worry not, I could have figured out who won the super bowl by looking at ESPN.
I would love to meet you someday. Someday when I have been able to get a proper, quiet night's rest. So please, Tighten Up.